A Month of Elton John

In 1997, Elton rewrote the lyrics to his ode to Marilyn Monroe for his friend Diana's funeral. I still cry when I hear this version.

The 2,000th Post

I started this blog in 2009. Back then, every writer was expected to have a blog. I've tried a few different styles. None of them seemed quite me. So over time, I simply talked about stuff I liked or affected the writer community or irritated the hell out of me.

September of 2009. Nearly ten years ago. I've published twenty books under my own name since then. That's in addition to the 2,000 blog posts, and I-don't-remember-how-many short stories, and the stuff I published as Alter Ego.

So what should I do to celebrate? Anybody have any suggestions?

How to Be a Writer

In a bowl, sprinkle Colonel Sanders' secret recipe seven herbs and spices over Lucky Charms you have stolen from a leprechaun. Pour a bottle of Coca-Cola (preferably the cane sugar formula from Mexico) over the mixture. Stir thoroughly and eat.

Have you vomited yet?

Unfortunately, there's newbie writers out there who would do exactly as I say because I'm a published writer. If you tell them the truth, they think your lying. But if you lie to them, they lap it up. So here are my answers from now on:

How do I write a book?

Hire someone on Fiverr for $100 to write it for you.

What if the middle part sucks?

Pay someone from Fiverr $1,000 to fix your shit.

How many times do I need to rewrite the book before I submit it to a publisher?

At least twenty times.

What if I can't come up with any ideas?

Pay someone on Fiverr $100 for five outlines.

How do I get readers' attention?

Pay me $100, and I'll tell you.

How do I market my books?

Pay me $10,000, and I'll do everything for you.

What if I don't want to do any of this shit? I just want my name on a book and see it on a shelf in Barnes and Noble.

Pay me $1,000,000, and I'll make it happen.


Let me know if you want to take me up on any of these offers. I could use the cash.

Rainbow Flags

I live in a small Midwestern town. This is most definitely Trump country. Conservative. Christian. The KKK marches here occasionally. Several folks fly Confederate flags from their porches or their pickups.

June is LBGTIQA Pride Month. The local LGBTIQA community painted a rainbow flag on the asphalt at the intersection of Main Street and Main Cross Street. Rainbow flags graced the light poles along Main. Wilson's Sandwich Shop's huge front windows were painted in glorious colors.

I took this picture with my phone as we drove down Main Street on our way to my father-in-law's house to check the basement after three inches of rain. I never thought I'd see pride flags waving in front of this particular courthouse in a matter-of-fact way.

Of course, some people threw a fit. Some letters to the editor of local paper were vitriolic. Others were loving and compassionate.

I want to believe that people are inherently good. To paraphrase Doctor Who, always be kind, never cruel. It makes the world a much better place.

A Month of Elton John

Sir Elton can make any singing partner look great, but the chemistry between him and Kiki was delightful.

Preorders for Justice and Bloodlines Are Live!

In what is probably a massive amount of confidence (or overconfidence), the preorder link for A Matter of Death is up and running on Amazon. I'm planning to try other retailers preorder links later this year.

BLURB

Two skinwalkers controlling Tandor had been bad enough, but then a demon army waltzed up to the city gates…

Anthea, Luc and their allies are trapped inside the border city of Tandor. They’ve all lost contact with the rest of Issura and their neighboring countries. And if the demons get by Tandor, the entire continent will become their dinner table. But the city is low on food and, more importantly, water.

Can Anthea and Luc find a solution? Or will they be forced to activate the final defense spells of Death to stop the demons, and kill everyone in Tandor and themselves in the process?

Magic and mayhem have never been this desperate. Or this fatal.

A Matter of Death will drop July 15th.

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I also set up the preorder link for Reality Bites.

BLURB

Being a regular human in the supernatural world is never easy, something Mai Osaka learned before she could walk. So when her boyfriend’s fairy ex strolls into the casino where Mai is head of security, she knows there’s more to the Seelie’s story than she’s telling. But can Mai figure out the real plan and who’s behind it before the fae pull the biggest heist in the history of Las Vegas?

Reality Bites will drop August 15th.

The IRS, Plots, and Cinnabons

Poor Darling Husband has been dealing with family freak-outs the last few days.

It started Friday. Genius Kid got a letter from the IRS stating he would not get his refund until he proved his identity. In the letter, the IRS demanded he need to come to their office and show his 2017 return.

I don't know why people spaz about the IRS. Keep your nose clean and don't take $2 billion in losses unless you have the receipts/paperwork to back it up. You'll be fine.

In GK's case, his return was flagged because 2018 was his first year to ever file, and Ohio had massive problems with fraud/stolen identities a few years ago. Both the feds and the state have been cracking down on anything remotely suspicious. In fact, DH and I had to jump through some hoops the first year after we moved back to Ohio.

After calling the IRS, GK found out he only needed to drive to the local office with his identity paperwork.

Also on Friday, I found my notes from A Modicum of Truth regarding the plot threads that needed to be resolved in A Matter of Death. Oops! So, it's meant a few days rearranging the chapters I've already written and adding some scenes. I'm more angry with myself than anything, so DH has been patting my on the back and saying that I'll get this sorted before the July release date.

Then yesterday, DH was sick. Sick enough to take a day off. And his dad called in a panic because his printer was out of ink.

Now, my father-in-law, bless his heart, is not technically inclined. DH has to download books onto FIL's Kindle for him. He'd never be able to swap out ink modules.

But DH tried to be responsible and told his dad he'd be over in a few days because he didn't want to give his dad whatever germs he was carrying. So FIL, not knowing how else to help, called several more times yesterday to check on his son even all DH needed was sleep. Which was pretty much what FIL did when DH had cancer, too.

So today, DH is feeling a bit better and went with GK to the IRS office over his lunch hour. And GK, who has been on our cases about sweets and weight, actually suggested they pick up some Cinnabons on the way home.

Because cinnamon rolls with vanilla frosting will make everyone feel a little better.

Status Report - June 2019

Another life roll happened, which means another delay. To give myself and my subcontractors plenty of time to get things done, I'm pushing the release of A Matter of Death back a month. Which means everything else will be pushed back as well.

Here's the revised release schedule for the remainder of 2019:

July 15 - A Matter of Death (Justice #3) novel

August 15 - Reality Bites (Bloodlines Shorts #3) novella

September 15 - Ghouls in the Grocery Store (Bloodlines Shorts #4) novella

October 30 - Resurrected (Bloodlines #9) novel

December 1 - A Very HERO Christmas (888-555-HERO #4) novella

I'll definitely announce here when preorders go up on the various retailer websites.

What about 2020?

I've made plans to attend a workshop in Las Vegas in February, which involves a lot of writing and reading starting in November. I'll continue to work on my own books in between assignments, so I'm not sure how the release schedule will work out yet.

To keep myself and my readers happy, I'll alternate putting out books-- a sword and sorcery, an urban fantasy, a superhero book, then repeat.

If anyone has questions or comments, feel free to leave them below!

A Month of Elton John

Rocket Man was released yesterday. It's one of the movies on my 2019 must-see list. In celebration, I will be torturing you all with my favorite Elton John songs.

This one is dedicated to NASA astronaut Howard J. Wolowitz.

Always Something to Learn

This season's Game of Thrones has been a major topic of writers over the last week and a half. Jo sent me the link to the latest episode of the #FatmanBeyond podcast where Marc and Kevin talk about what works and what doesn't in a story, both in general and more specifically the eighth season of GOT and John Wick Chapter 3.

Here's the thing: Kevin Smith is, at heart, a storyteller. It doesn't matter whether you like his shit or not (though the twelve-year-old boy in me LOVES it!), he understands the dynamics that go into a satisfying experience. I always learn something when I listen to one of his college lectures or podcasts.

While both gentlemen here would say they are entertaining, there's far more than a grain of truth for writers in here.

Of course, I wouldn't recommend listening to this without earbuds because it's definitely not safe for work, small children, or your in-laws.