Monday, April 1, 2013

Monday Movie Mania

After introducing GK to the original Die Hard while DH was away on a business trip, he was quite insistent that we take in the fifth movie in the series, A Good Day to Die Hard.

As my friend Brian pointed out, this was the first Die Hard movie that written specifically to be a Die Hard movie, and it shows.

Because this movie sucks the big one.

And this is the first time I've said this about a Bruce Willis movie since Bruno filmed the disaster known as Blind Date.

Seriously, folks, I love explosions and camp as much as the next geek girl, but The Expendables and The Expendables 2 were masterpieces compared to this.




First of all, I do not blame anybody but the producers who green-lit this piece of crap story written by Skip Woods. Whatever Skip was smoking while writing the script, PLEASE TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM.

Normally, I love Skip's work, especially Swordfish and Wolverine. He's got a lot of history to work with in the other four movies. I just don't get what happened here.

1) Characterization

John McClane's compassion and regard for his family is always foremost. Here, it's pretty much absent even though the inciting event is that his son Jack has been arrested in Russia. There were some stabs, but they fell flat. I don't expect John and Jack to be hugging, but in the other movies, there's been some sort of emotional bond between John and the other characters.

2) Implausible Events

McClane's never been to Russia, doesn't know the language, but miraculously knows how everything works and how to find Jack.

The bad guys have a gas that magically disperses radiation at Chernobyl. WTF! This is so fucking insulting I cannot even see the screen right now because my blood pressure is that high.

3) Lack of Suspense

Part of what made the earlier movies great was the everyman ingenuity shown by McClane verus the bureaucratic incompetence shown by the other law enforcement officers. The closest they have here is a CIA contact that dies at the beginning of the second act. Also, John may do some crazy shit to survive, but here, he acts flat out stupid by getting into stupid situations to begin with. By the middle of the movie, I just didn't care. The woman texting in front of me was more interesting.

4) The wooden acting

Hell, Alexander Godunov looked like fucking Oscar material compared to the actors. Everyone just seemed to be going through the motions and reading from cue cards.

All-in-all, watch the original on Netflix. One can NEVER get enough of Alan Rickman chewing the scenery.


  1. That's really unfortunate. :( I like this series, but I guess we can wait to stream this on Netflix, so if we hate it just as much, we can flip over to something else without even losing the days the disk was in the mail. [sigh]


  2. Angie, don't ever take my word for anything! LOL There's movies I've loved that everyone else around me hated.

    I can usually find something redeeming about a movie, but I can count on two fingers flicks I've absolutely hated. Unfortunately, this is one of them.

  3. Well, that's what's cool about Netflix -- we can give it a shot, and watch it if we like it or flip over to something else if we hate it. In the old days, you had to either pay to see something in the theater (and if it sucked you were SOL) or wait for it to come on TV, where half the time the choppy editing would make it suck anyway. :P

    My husband and I like a lot of movies everyone else hated too. The Fifth Element, frex. -- you see wails and gripes about its massive suckitude everywhere, but Jim and I liked it. I've seen it at least three times. :)


  4. "Leeloo Dallas. Multi-pass!"

    The Fifth Element was one of those fabulous movies that if you got the humor, you loved it, and if you didn't, well...

    It's one of those movies we watch at least once a year. With lots of poppcorn!

  5. I saw the word spoilers and jumped right to comments. Sorry the movie sucked.