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Friday, May 31, 2013

Fear of Failure

Last night, I was working on Blood Sacrifice when I realized I need a scene that tied the primary climax of Blood Magick into the events of this story. For the first time in writing this book, I simply wrote a two-page prologue without overthinking it.

Why all the problems with this particular book? What it all comes down to is fear of failure. I've never let this fear stop me before, but now, it became a HUGE problem with Blood Sacrifice. It's been so bad that I'm finally admitting to you all, this is the third fucking draft of this book.

What has happened to me with this novel? It hasn't been just one thing. Phillippa was literally the first character to pop in my head for the saga that eventually became the Bloodlines series. As a result, I'm super-protective of her, which if she were a real person, she would kick my ass for doing so.

This story is not a new romance, or a continuation thereof, like the other couples in the series. Phil and Alex were parted by circumstance beyond their control, only to have successive events drive them further and further apart. Part of me is very nervous about the getting the nuances of a reunion story just right.

Then there is the plot itself. Blood Sacrifice is the major turning point in the over-arching saga where the reader learns just what those damn nanites are turning Sam into (even though she's not in the book) and the ramifications of her transformation.

So what it comes down to is I'm putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect that nothing has been working quite right.

Until last night. The proverbial lightbulb went off, I wrote the prologue, and I know what to do with the story now to fix my previous dissatisfaction.

Then this morning, Dean Wesley Smith posted about a personal anecdote that really hit home. I wasn't the me who loves to make up stories in the driver's seat. It was the fearful, tentative kid who tried to be perfect in the hope that her mom would love her.

A few choice expletives went through my head at that realization.

But I have passed the halfway point and I'm on the downhill slide. The right person is in the driver's seat again. I'm feeling pretty good about the story.

Now, I just have to get Phil and Alex out of Hell...

3 comments:

  1. Good post, Suzan. Glad you are on the downhill slide with the right person in the seat.

    Go you. Rah.

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  2. Thanks, Whisk! The only problem right now is I can't type as fast as I think. LOL

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    Replies
    1. I think a lot of writers can relate to that feeling.

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