Monday, February 27, 2017

Monday Movie Mania - The Huntsman: Winter's War

I love free weekends of premium movie channels on cable. It allows me to catch up with the flicks I wanted to see at the theater, but didn't have time to go. (And yeah, Francis, I watched Deadpool twice even though I already have the Blu-Ray.)

The Huntsman: Winter's War managed to stay in theaters for a few days longer than Jem and the Holograams. I don't normally hold that against a movie, but yes, in this case, there was a reason for TH:WW's short lifespan. Since it has been nearly a year since the movie's original release date, I'm not going to bother with my normal SPOILERS warning.

Let's just say the only good things in this movie were (1) Halsey's remake of her single "Castle" and (2) a gratuitous shot of naked Chris Hemsworth and naked Jessica Chastain.

The movie tries to be two things:  a tragic prequel and a humorous action adventure sequel. Neither of these mesh with the dark fantasy that was Snow White and the Huntsman.

The plot mashes together the original Snow White fairytale with Hans Christian Andersen's The Snow Queen. The prequel portion where Eric (aka the titular Huntsman) and Sarah were kidnapped, fell in love, etc., could have been sliced from forty minutes down to ten. And I'm being generous here. The subplot of one of the dwarves and his half-brother tagging along on Eric's quest was more engaging.

The producers assembled an exceptional cast, but the writing plodded and the dialogue was repetitive. I cannot blame the actors, who did the best they could with the lines they were given.

But with a $115 million budget, how the hell could the special effects be so shitty? DH and I have been re-watching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine during our lunch breaks. How the fuck can a twenty-three-year-old TV series have better special effects than this waste of a movie?

I tried to like this movie. I really did. But I'd rather watch Thor, Interstellar, Hitchcock, and The Devil Wears Prada back-to-back with no pee breaks while being forced to drink two gallons of beer.

Overall, The Huntsman: Winter's War get a token 1 star out of 10 for naked Hemsworth.

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