Monday, December 4, 2017

Monday Movie Mania - Thor: Ragnarok

I know I'm going against the grain of reviews and opinions on Thor: Ragnarok. Hell, I went into the theater fully expecting to love this movie. However, as each second and frame ticked by, I found myself getting more irritated until the emotion blew into full on anger. I felt gypped by Marvel.

Quite frankly, this wasn't a Thor movie. This is what happens when a studio tries to twist things in mid-stream and fails miserably.

I don't expect you, I mean generic you the average reader, to have a deep insight into Marvel's version of Thor, much less read and absorb the Elder (Poetic) and Younger (Prose) Eddas which are the modern world's main source of information regarding the Norse myths.

There were a few things that delighted me in this movie, but overall Thor: Ragnarok SUCKED!!

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1) I swear to Odin, Cate Blanchett can do no wrong. I loved her since I first saw her in Elizabeth. She totally rocks as a goth-emo version of Hela, Goddess of Death.

2) The twist in Hela origin as being Thor's older sister brought a certain symmetry to the story, in that Odin banished both of his natural born children, but cut his adopted son a hell of a lot of slack.

3) The chemistry between Hemsworth and Hiddleston was the only other redeeming feature. (Honestly, I so want to do a Mary Sue menage based on those two under Alter Ego's brand. LOL)

1) Kenneth Branagh set up the story of Thor as an epic cross between Shakespeare and grand opera in scale. Alan Taylor continued that feeling. Taika Waititi took that scale, tossed it in the dumpster, and set fire to it.

2) Thor: Ragnarok didn't start filming until the box office returns from Guardians of the Galaxy came in, and it's obvious the original outline was tossed in the dumpster fire in favor of an action-comedy space adventure just like GotG.

3) Oh my fucking god! Disco music?! The reason '70's pop worked GotG is because it was a major fucking plot point! It has no fucking relevance here!

4) Jeff Goldblum's Grand Master acting like a middle-aged dad trying to hard to be a liberal hipster was painful to watch. (And that's from someone who's been a huge fan of his since his Tenspeed and Brown Shoe days. It's on Wikipedia if you don't know the reference.)

5) Total waste of both Doctor Stephen Strange and the Hulk. You could have cut both parts and ended up with the same fucking movie.

6) The total nonsensical death of Odin. ("Hey kids, clean up the mess I made which led to the total betrayal of my people.")

7) The shitty demise of the Warriors Three.

8) Total lack of Sif. (Seriously, what the fuck?!)

9) Heimdall being the only one who seems to give a shit about the citizens of Asgard.

10) The Battlestar: Galactica ending. I mean, really?! The survivors are searching for a home on Earth?! Which seemed to be the reason for the stupid '70' disco music. On the other hand, DH referred to Buck Rogers roller disco music. Take your pick.

Okay, I made myself stop at ten issues I had with this movie. Sad to say, I have many, MANY more. Overall, I give Thor : Ragnarok 1 star out of 10.

(Seriously, if you have to see it, don't waste good money at the theater. Wait for a free HBO weekend.)

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad I waited until I saw the movie before reading this (Jim and I went yesterday and saw this and Justice League) because I didn't want to get spoiled.

    I actually kind of loved it. [hides under keyboard] Yes, I can see and acknowledge most of your issues (I really don't care about the origin of the music) but... even now that I think about it, it didn't make a difference to me. It was a fun movie, I liked the humorous take, and I'm assuming/hoping the Wandering Asgardians will have some relevance in the Infinity War movies.

    I agree that killing off the Warriors Three sucks. :/ I'm hoping they do something about that later. (Hey, it's a comic book -- the only comic character who's ever stayed dead was Uncle Ben.) And maybe Sif was on Earth...? I thought it was actually a cool twist that the only way to defeat Hela was to bring on Ragnorok. Totally didn't see that one coming.

    Ah, well. Too bad you didn't enjoy it. I hope you like the next one better. [crossed fingers]