During an interview on a late night talk show, Matt Damon told a story. His friend Brad Pitt told Matt he hated him because Matt could take his kids to a public school like any other parent in the U.S. Meanwhile, Brad had to deal with a ton of paparazzi following him and his kids everywhere, and he didn't have any real choice about putting his children into private schools.
I'm starting to see the same types of issues with author friends and acquaintances. Not that paparazzi follows writers around, but your problems change at a certain level of success.
Whereas some writers are making a living, and by living I mean they can pay for a roof over their heads, food on the table, and clothes on their kids backs, others can have their private yacht custom built a la Hugh Howey. This level of money starts a cascade of new problems.
First and foremost is raw professional jealousy from your friends. I've been accused of it, and I've seen it in attitudes aimed toward me. Those people generally don't remain friends for long.
It's a little sad to lose people from your life over something like this. I've been helped by a lot of people. There are some who expected me to kiss their ass forever. There are those who get furious if I exceeded their success. And there are those who have told me to pay it forward to new writers. I really try to emulate that last group.
Then there's family and other relationships, both people you currently hang out with and those you've lost contact with over the years. Funny how these people come crawling out of the woodwork when they hear of your good fortune, often with their hands outstretched for gifts. When you don't give them those gifts they think they deserve, they turn on you.
Or you're back to the same old jealousy issue. Nothing like your mother making snide comments about your spending.
So you start pruning the toxic relationships. The more successful you are, the more you have to prune, and the more isolated you can feel.
On the other hand, you find you need to censor yourself when you're the successful one. How can you talk about the pros and cons of a Boeing jet versus a Cessna jet when your buddy is trying to scrape together the cash to get the transmission replaced on her only car. Then you feel like a fake.
Deep down, I think that's the real fear for most writers. It's not the fear of failure. It's the fear of success.
Success changes everything. The struggle to achieve is easier to deal with than reaching that goal. Because once you reach that goal, you expect things to change.
And we humans hate change with a passion that cannot be matched.
It may sound like I'm blaming the victim, but I've watched a lot of writers sabotage themselves. Hell, I've done it to myself. Because I've already had success in other areas of my life, and I've seen what happens.
Success is lonely. We can't talk about it without setting people off. And next to change, we hate loneliness most of all.
