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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Cancer Sucks

I sit here facing a blank screen, and all I can think about is Jay Lake, and shit, this could have been what happened to DH.  And instead of editing my stuff or working on the new wip, which I should be doing, I want to cry and scream and rage.

I've never met Jay in person, just spoken with him online.  He's a cool guy, very generous with the info for newbie writers, and is a hell of an author.  But Jay's been fighting cancer for three years now. Yesterday, his docs discovered yet another tumor, this time on his liver.

The irony for me?  Jay's initial cancer diagnosis was a stage 1 tumor.  DH's was a stage 3.  Jay's looking at his third round of chemo since 2008.  DH only had one back in 1995.  Jay's got a beautiful daughter who's about a year older than GK.  DH was diagnosed three months after we were engaged, and we waited until he had been clean for four years before we even thought about having a kid.

This so isn't fair.  Sometimes I wonder if the universe isn't a giant dodgeball game.  The gods are the jocks, and the humans are the nerds, and if we don't get pummeled, it's only by chance.  And what the fuck do you do about it?

6 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your sadness...and so so sorry for Jay.

    And glad your dh is still in remission.

    DH's aunt died last week...found out she had cancer and passed away 10 days later! Brutal. I have another friend who just found out she has Mesothelioma and another who had a malignant tumor removed from her tongue last week (been a lot of sad news lately).

    I try to make the most of each and every day, because honestly, none of us know what tomorrow will hold. I am thankful every morning for another day I have with my loved ones.

    (((Suzan)))

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  2. CANCER DOES SUX! My father passed away from cancer back in September. We were told he had 3 months and we actually only had 3 weeks. I'm also sitting in my office (my 40-hour job)day-in and day-out watching one of my co-workers die from cancer. So sorry for your sadness.

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  3. Last year my uncle died of cancer. When I was 9, my maternal Grandmother died of liver cancer. Two of my sisters are in remission for cancer (one for breast cancer, the other for thyroid, I think). Cancer is a tough, unforgiving diease and it really does suck. I hope/pray Jay goes back into remission and that your dh stays in remission. Sending hugs. God bless.

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  4. Hey Tess, Ang & Bethany!

    It's not sadness, but fear and anger.

    Whenever someone I know gets smacked with this ugly disease, it dredges up the old fear from DH's diagnosis and chemo. Actually, DH's oconologists consider him cured, which is wonderful, but it doesn't stop the insidious panic at the back of my mind.

    And rage because Jay's got so much life in him, and it isn't fair, it's never fair, he's a good person. . .

    *sigh* It's the usual BS when faced with a catastrophic illness. DH's two surgeries and one round of chemo are bad enough. I can't imagine what Jay and his family are facing right now.

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  5. Thanks, Ivy. It's just life. Bleah.

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