In a bowl, sprinkle Colonel Sanders' secret recipe seven herbs and spices over Lucky Charms you have stolen from a leprechaun. Pour a bottle of Coca-Cola (preferably the cane sugar formula from Mexico) over the mixture. Stir thoroughly and eat.
Have you vomited yet?
Unfortunately, there's newbie writers out there who would do exactly as I say because I'm a published writer. If you tell them the truth, they think your lying. But if you lie to them, they lap it up. So here are my answers from now on:
How do I write a book?
Hire someone on Fiverr for $100 to write it for you.
What if the middle part sucks?
Pay someone from Fiverr $1,000 to fix your shit.
How many times do I need to rewrite the book before I submit it to a publisher?
At least twenty times.
What if I can't come up with any ideas?
Pay someone on Fiverr $100 for five outlines.
How do I get readers' attention?
Pay me $100, and I'll tell you.
How do I market my books?
Pay me $10,000, and I'll do everything for you.
What if I don't want to do any of this shit? I just want my name on a book and see it on a shelf in Barnes and Noble.
Pay me $1,000,000, and I'll make it happen.
Let me know if you want to take me up on any of these offers. I could use the cash.
The Day After JFK Mistress was killed, Khrushchev resigned
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FREE today and through the weekend: The Kennedy Endeavor. A thriller based
on facts. Below is Mary Meyer, whose husband was in the CIA. She was also
Kenned...
8 hours ago
See! I knew there was a secret! You've been holding out on us for so long!
ReplyDeleteLOL Yeah, we try to limit the competition as much as possible.
DeleteHmmmm...but is there a Keto version? And does the Leprechaun need to be organic and irish?
ReplyDelete*Giggles*
Rock on!
LOL The keto version is you have to eat whatever critters your cat brings to you.
DeleteOf course, the Leprechaun has to be organic and Irish! But you could use Trix from a rabbit in a pinch.
have a great weekend!