SAD, Terror, and Death

Depression sucks in the best of times. Now, this time, there's a specific trigger. The United States is a full-blown fascist nation now.

Yeah, I've heard it before. Don't talk politics. You'll lose your readers.

Frankly, if you believe the wave of recent murders by ICE is good, well, you're not going to like my books anyway.

I don't believe murdering people is a good thing. I still believe in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. I've taken the oath to uphold them three times in my life.

But the guys on the street wearing masks (which they refused to do five years ago in the middle of a Goddess-damned pandemic) and carrying weapons (which they claimed they needed to protect themselves from the government five years ago) are gleefully killing people exercising their constitutional rights on the streets in broad daylight.

I've heard "fucking bitch" in that same tone aimed at me. The only difference is that I'm alive and Renee Good isn't.

And the worst part is if I post a picture of Renee or the man who murdered her on my blog, I'll be harassed by the same people who say Charlie Kirk didn't deserve to be shot in cold blood, but Renee Good did.

How fucked up is that?

So now, I'm struggling through depression. I'm awake all night wondering if the neighbors I've been polite to, even though they've flown Trump flags for the last 10 years, will bust into my house and kill my husband and dogs.

I'm honestly questioning if any of us will survive this decade. And I will still be questioning it even when my SAD eases up in February. 

Getting Back into the Writing Groove

I took time off from writing over the last two weeks of 2024. I felt like I was flogging the proverbial dead horse, and I needed some time to refill the creative well.

In that vein, I've watched new-to-me movies, some Christmas favorites, and an action thriller that will be added to the holiday canon. I've read a lot lot of space opera in preparation for a writing class I will be attending this month.

So, I felt refreshed when I started writing on New Year's day. I haven't made my target word-count numbers the first two days, but I'm doing better than I did most of 2024.

My only problem is I really want to start on the War of the Witches series. New projects always make the Subconscious rub her hands with glee. However, I've got other books planned and promised that need to be finished first. Therefore, I'm splitting my time in order to please my readers and my inner child.

I'm working damn hard to keep a positive mindset. Part is my desire to break out of the cocoon depression had me wrapped in since October. Part is the need to be strong for what comes next in our society. The hate flows strongly in the U.S. and around the world, and the next four years aren't going to be pretty.

I just hope my stories keep me and my readers going through the oncoming storm.

Coronavirus Pandemic Day 19 - Dealing with Stress and Depression

My blog posts have been showing up a little later every day. I admit I've been sleeping a lot more. Part of it is the damn near constant rain. I'm pretty sure the other part is low-level depression.

All the healthcare professionals who were treating me for cancer two years ago were surprised I wasn't depressed. The difference was I had some control over my treatment. I could research and make decisions. Whatever I did only affected my health, and I wasn't cut off from my loved ones.

The coronavirus is caused by another living organism. I have no control over it. I don't know when it'll strike. I can take precautions, but there's no guarantees. It's insidious and awful and killing people around the world.

So what am I doing to combat the feelings of helplessness?

I watched a DCEU marathon yesterday. Back-to-back Batman v Superman, Justice League, Suicide Squad, and Wonder Woman. Princess Diana and Harley Quinn always cheer me up.

I'm getting back into drawing. I bought a couple of notebooks and colored pencils. There's specific ideas for 888-555-HERO t-shirts I have in my head. If I get back into practice, maybe I can make them a reality.

And of course, I'm writing as best as I can. It's a little hard to maintain the story zone. I'll get about 500 words done before fears of our new world intrude. I try not to get mad and let the scattered thoughts have their way by doing something physical. Play with Bella, do a domestic chore, or work on covers for Alter Ego.

In the meantime, I'll get a few words in this afternoon and then watch Nine to Five. I'm in a Dolly Parton mood.