Dear Postal Employee...

To the United States Postal Worker who cut open a box I mailed,

Yeah, you know who you are. The box didn't have an "accident".You used a box cutter to slice open the smallest side of the box I mailed to a reader. You dumped out two entire sets of my Bloodlines series paperbacks, one for the reader and one for his sister.

Even worse, you left the tracking bar code intact so the box would arrive empty. To a P.O. Box. There's no way you can say someone stole it from my reader's porch.

The box was stamped "Media Mail". Or are you really that much of a dumbass to think something that heavy would have DVDs or CDs. Holy Cthulu! Who uses material media these days? Only crazy-ass book lovers!

I know damn well you'd only get pennies on the dollar for my books at a used book store. Or did you dump them in the trash once you saw they were just books?

At least, I'm hoping it was greed that drove you to the theft. If you just took the books for shits and giggles, you truly are an asshole out to only hurt people.

Because you see, this reader has had an awful time lately. These books would have cheered up a gentleman who is chronically ill. You didn't hurt me. You hurt someone who's already had life throw a ton of shit at him.

Karma's a bitch, dude. And someday, she'll come calling for you.

The Secrets of My Success

Yesterday, Kris Rusch posted a pretty deep article about the change in how Americans consume entertainment. The change hasn't hit the producers of that entertainment yet.

By that, I mean you.

You know who you are. You scour the internet for tidbits of anything to make that one book a success. How do I know this? You're hitting this blog from Yahoo or Google under search criteria such as "indie writer income" or "how to make money writing erotica".

Want to know the secret?

There isn't one.

Right now, a lot of you are grumbling under your breath.

"She won't tell us."

"The bitch is hiding the truth."

"She's just trying to keep us out like all the other successful writers."

Okay, maybe I did lie. Why? To quote  Jack Nicholson's character from A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth."

So here's the truth. Two simple steps to being successful.

1) Write.

Write a lot. Publish what you write. Rinse. Repeat.

I hate to tell you, but you probably aren't going to make it with one book. There's going to be more blood moons this year than people who can repeat Margaret Mitchell's or Harper Lee's one-book wonder type of success.

"But writing is hard," you whine.

So what? Either you want to write or you don't. I can't make you. Your mommy can't make you. Only you can make you. It's up to you.

2) Be nice.

Call it the Golden Rule, the Threefold Law, Karma, or whatever the hell you want. Personally I prefer Wheaton's Law, aka "Don't be a dick."

Treat everyone with respect, even if they want something from you. Why? Because you don't know when or how it'll come back to you.

For example, Newbie asked Alter Ego for some self-publishing advice a little over a year ago. I gave her some pointers and blogs to check out.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago. Newbie's doing pretty well for herself. She hired a personal assistant and mentioned AE as one of her inspirations. PA checks out AE's books and tells her friend, who happens to run a book review blog. Book Review Gal contacts AE and asks for a review copy of the book Newbie originally referred to PA. BRG loves book and gives a glowing review. Established Erotica Writer sees review, checks out book, then contacts AE about submitting a story for an erotic anthology bundle.

See? Karma.

It's pretty simple. Write. Be nice. You have to work pretty hard to fuck that up.