Depressing as Fuck

I admit it. It's getting harder to get out of bed in the morning, harder to finish a heroic tale, harder to deal with people thriving on hate.

But I still climb of bed. I still buckle down and write my words everyday. And I'm clapping back even when an alleged ally spouts the same lies the MAGA crowd as been treating as the gospel for the last ten or more years.

Someone asked me what do we do to keep the U.S. from turning into Nazi Germany. Frankly, it's too late. We're already worse than Nazi Germany.

You see people knew what they were getting when the voted for Tribblehead the second time. He has never hidden his agenda. The first time was practice. He learned how to circumvent the system by destroying it from within. And he takes great glee in doing so.

Children are arrested in school based on their skin color, regardless of their legal status. Men covered head to toe so you can't see who they are, with weapons and no identification, prowl the cities and grab people off the streets. A concentration camp has been built in Florida. Politicians and civilians are threatened and beaten up for being on the opposing side.

And like every other abuser in my life, Tribblehead counts on wearing us down until we're too tired and broken to fight anymore.

Just one problem with that plan. I'm post-menopausal, and I no longer have any fucks to give. If the only way I can keep fighting is by writing stories about people who do the right thing, then by all the deities that ever were, ever are, and ever will be, I will keep getting out of bed and spreading hope.

Because when hope dies, so does the human race. 

The Crazy, Insane, Long Weekend

Going through the drowned belongings in our basement took much long than DH and I originally estimated.

Why?

Because DH's dad slipped important documents in between his children's memorabilia.

Very important documents.

Like driver's licenses, tax returns, birth certificates, and social security cards. Some needed to be kept since they were DH's or his sisters'. Others should have been destroyed decades ago such Grandma T's personal info. One of our neighbors teased me about selling the info on the dark web, but after DH and I had our identities stolen once, I didn't find the joke quite as funny.

Anyway, we had to go through things carefully on two fronts. One was the important personal documentation. The other was the mold and mildew growing on things despite the colder than normal temps since the flooding.

(N95 masks are worth their weight in gold, people! Thankfully, I still had some leftover from the pandemic!)

Then we had to document all the losses. Part of what made me sick was losing a good chuck of the in-laws' movie collection. DH and I are both avid movie buffs. His parents were as well, and they had VHS tapes of a lot of classics.

(Don't laugh. I still have all the Star Trek:TOS and NextGen movies on VHS. And yes, we still have a couple of VHS players.)

The also had a bunch of Disney animated movies for when the grandkids visited. Some that are no longer available. I know in the age of streaming people don't like physical copies, but my Gen X heart loves them because I never know when some wet-behind-the-ears exec is going to take one of my favorites of their streaming service.

E.g. I can't find Dharma & Greg, one of my all-time favorite shows, on any streaming service at the moment. I'd barely gotten through the first season when Hulu yanked it last year.

In between the sorting and washing, I managed to get a few thousand words done. Now that the adjuster came to check out everything (no, it wasn't Jake, it was Zach from State Farm), we can move on with life.

That mean getting the damn HVAC motherboard replaced before we hit the 90s in Ohio! 

A Hell of a Monday

I was out of bed at 10:30 AM. I planned to head to Starbucks to write. The Great God Murphy must have heard my plan because it's now after 3:00 PM, and I haven't even repacked my travel laptop that was recharging overnight. The only work-related thing I've done so far is approve the eproof for Blood Sacrifice.

As I said in last Wednesday's post, I have to raise the price of print books because of the current tariff war. I'm also double-checking for typos I missed, updating the company name and copyright information, and updating the back matter. In one case, I even changed the back cover copy.

After a disastrous Thursday, we spent Friday and Saturday going through some stuff that was only partially submerged. DH has camera equipment sitting in plastic bins and on lids to dry out. I washed up most of the soaked towels we used to protect the hardwood floor in the family room.

Saturday night, DH went to the Flag City Phantoms game. I elected to stay home and try to catch up on some Angry Sheep work. I ended up talking to a writer friend, who's dealing with her own health issues, for an hour.

Saturday was also the birthday of our youngest niece. But between her and DH both working Saturday night, we celebrated her birthday at dinner in Applebee's on Sunday. (It's her new favorite place.)

My friend's mother passed away Saturday. The funeral has been pushed to next week because it's a holiday week here in the U.S.

"But, Suzan, all that happened over the weekend!" I hear you say. "What does that have to do with Monday?"

The reclaimation peeps from Service Master came to collect their fans bright and early this morning. They'll be back when we know what has to be trashed in the basement and what can be salvaged.

GK managed to lock himself out of both his email account and his Amazon account while trying to retrieve invoices required by the insurance company for his bed and mattress, which we know will have to be tossed. It took a little while to sort that out because his calls kept dropping.

By the time we got that handled, DH had the insurance company on the line after playing telephone tag with them on Friday.

I totally forgot to give the dogs their heartworm, flea, and tick preventives on Thursday. I remembered this morning, only to discover I forgot to pick up Simparica for the Princess Pup when I ran out in April. So I needed to run over to the vet's before they close.

And the kicker in all this mess? Our bank was bought and the conversion to the new bank took place over the weekend. So we had no idea where our back account stood. I had to put the damn groceries on the VISA. GK panicked about his paycheck getting deposited since we have a new routing number. I got him talked down, but I need to go through my business accounts and get all of those switched over to the new bank.

It doesn't look like I'll get a damn word written until after dinner tonight. Thank goodness, I've got plenty of leftovers in the fridge!

I really hope your Monday is less dramatic than mine!

Life and Aging

I had a nice time down at my cousin's in West Virginia. Both of us are introverts, meaning we need time to recharge our batteries after socializing. But this time, we spent most of the week talking and going through some bags of mementos her father had given her.

We found pictures her father had taken of the family when he came home for my parents' wedding. We discussed timing of certain events, like Grandma Howell's passing, because Suzan's memories are clearer since she's a decade older than me. We spoke of how different our lives turned out than what we expected and/or planned for when we were younger.

She's in the process of clearing out her house to sell it and move into a smaller place. So, I shopped for something small and personal as an early birthday present. I took down a pair of earrings. I couldn't find any topaz ones at the store I was at, so I selected a lovely pair of citrine and silver ones. She wore them most of the time I was there.

I got to meet the newest addition to her household. Max is a stray she found on her property, and he's nothing like the scrawny kitten in the picture she sent me a couple of years ago. He's now what my family would call "pleasingly plump". In other words, he's definitely enjoying the life of a domestic Red Tabby.

The whole trip was another reminder of how short of lives we live on this planet, and how we need to relish the people we love. It doesn't take much to give a hug or say, "I love you." So please do it while you still can.

A Crazy Day

Yep, it's technically Thursday, but this is my first chance to sit down to blog, much less work on one of the novels on my plate.

Darling Husband and I spent most of the day waiting for texts from Genius Kid to confirm he made through the European and Middle Eastern legs of his journey. It's hard to accept Uncle Sam owns GK's ass now, and there's nothing I can do to help if GK gets into trouble. Yes, DH and I remind ourselves and each other constantly that GK is a grown-ass man. But to us deep down, he's still the red squalling newborn who peed all over the doctors and nurses.

In the meantime, I wrote a list of questions for my attorney before I met with her this afternoon. I'm finally updating my estate plan. It needed to be done once GK turned eighteen, but now, it's imperative to get it done. Probate courts are all over the place in how they are valuating intellectual property. So I need to protect those assets by staying out of a probate court.

And, damn! I've got a lot of IP now.

With my plan of opening an online store later this year/early next year, I need to change how my business is structured. After talking with my attorney, I need to call my CPA, and review the plan for tax implications before I set everything in motion.

Since DH had a loaded schedule with his job, I had to chase down Grandpuppy's anti-itch meds. The poor thing has serious food allergies, and without his meds, he loses his hair and gets a scabby rash that he'll scratch until it bleeds.

I also finally disposed of the father-in-law's pile of meds that had been sitting in our house for two years. I love that the police department and the sheriff's office have bins for the general public.

DH needed his own prescriptions picked up. He also needed more caffeine. He's turned into more of a addict than me with his Death Wish coffee and Cherry Coke Zero.

And since I ended up at the pharmacy for Grandpuppy's meds in the same shopping plaza where my favorite salon is located, I took a chance to see if they had an opening. My head feels so much lighter now that I've had three inches of hair chopped off.

Tomorrow, I need to return some towels. JC Penney is obviously on the verge of collapsing. Even though they say they have the tan towels I want, they send me white towels every time I try to order the tan ones. *facepalm* Sears and JC Penney used to have such marvelous catalog systems. My parents relied on them for decades. But I guess all good things come to an end.

As must this day. Good night, everyone!

Bitchy Sisters-In-Law, a Long Weekend, and a Comedy Show

It's been insanely busy around Chez Harden lately. DH has been working the day job full time, doing the timekeeping for the high school lacrosse teams (who just finished their season) and our semi-pro football team the Flag City Phantoms (who started their season a month ago), and trying to wrap up his parents' estate despite things still popping out of the woodwork.

I figured it was time for a break this coming weekend. DH planned to take Friday off to deal with a certain investment company, which is making him jump through a bunch of hoops to release the money due to the estate. He contacted the attorney for advice on how to deal with this particular entity, and she gave him suggestions of what to try first before wasting money on her fees to go medieval on the investment company's ass.

Only for DH to get texts from his two oldest sisters that essentially accused him of mismanaging the estate assets. This despite the fact  he updates all the sisters about what's happening on a regular basis. This despite the fact that in Ohio, the probate judge must approve everything before ANY disbursements can be made to the heirs.

The irony of all this is (1) I used to be a probate and estate planning attorney and (2) my own parents died during the same five-year period as DH's. It took fifteen months to wrap up my parents' estate, and they didn't have half the assets my in-laws' had for DH to deal with.

Even better, one of the sisters wants DH to do something illegal with the estate's money.

*facepalm*

I am so glad we have tickets to see comedian/actor Michael Rapaport this weekend with some friends. We might even squeeze the new comedy IF is the theaters. Anything to cheer up my man.

Yep, we definitely need a break from life.

Super Cells and Twisters

Last night's writing was lost to the tornado-producing super cell that passed through our area. At least, we didn't get any hail like Illinois and Indiana. We're fine. I just spent the day trying to get caught up on things.

Take it easy folks. You never know when Mather Nature is going to drop a house on you.

Why Does Stuff Pile Up Right Before You Go On Vacation?

It's almost nine p.m., and I'm just now writing my post. I got up early to sprint with a friend. For me, parallel work keeps me on track.

But there's so much personal stuff to get done. The dogs want play time and walkies. Also, I'm the only one who can sweet-talk the Grandpuppy into taking his skin allergy medication.

We're eating too much junk because we end up grabbing take-out while running to the post office, the bank, the pharmacy, the eye surgeon, the surgical center, picking up the last of my ornaments from Hallmark, going back to Hallmark because I got so enamored with Chewbacca book end I forgot to ask for my ornaments, drop off the water bill, cancel the insurance on GK's Jeep which he sold last week while he was here, dye my hair, send a note to our CPA about the solar panels installed on the roof and me opening a online store, and somehow finish the new edits on the Millersburg Magick Mysteries and send them to my Kickstarter backers.

In the meantime, DH's employer had a massive layoff, and he's doing the work of three people. Needless to say, he's a little stressed already.

Plus, DH hasn't been able to mulch leaves as often as he normally does. So, all of us are tracking leaf bits into the house. And I hate coming home to a dirty house.

My weird little brain is spinning like a bionic hamster. Clean! Bills! Write!

I think I might need additional medication. It's a good thing pot is legal in Nevada!

It Has Been a Long-Ass Day

Yesterday, after I spent a good couple of hours of medical testing and a surgical consult, everyone agrees I need cataract surgery. After all the stress of tests, talking with the surgeon, and scheduling the surgeries for next month, I thought I'd be able to sleep in and get a lot of writing done today.

Didn't happen.

I woke up to Grandpuppy (yes, the gorgeous black boy in the picture) racing from window to door to window to door. Genius Kid sold his Jeep Liberty this morning to a family who made an appointment last night for 10 AM. So, Grandpuppy was all excited about new hoomans outside and then, his own hooman leaving. He didn't bark, but a 50-lb German Shepard-Staffordshire mix doesn't have a light footstep.

By the time that business was finished, I had checked my e-mail. One of my cover artists had questions about the two covers she's working on this month. I didn't have a chance to answer everything before we needed to take Grandpuppy to the vet.

Don't worry. He's fine. Genius Kid has been given so many new duties now that he passed his sergeant boards that he hasn't had a chance to get Grandpuppy to his regular vet. Plus, we're puppysitting Grandpuppy for the next two months, and I want to make sure he has his vaccinations since he'll be around Princess Bella.

After that, a stop at the pet store to get some more food for the Grandpuppy, a quick stop at the pharmacy for my prescriptions, another stop at the grocery store for a couple of ingredients for the homemade pizza Genius Kid requested for dinner, and a much needed trip through the Starbucks drive-thru for an equally needed pumpkin spice latte.

While the dough rose, I finished my answers to my cover artist, and the guys did a little car work. I put together the pizzas and put away the clean dishes in the dishwasher while they baked.

And now, it's 10 PM, and  I'm finally opening my current wip.

People often don't understand why I stay up until dawn to write and sleep through the day. Seriously, it's the only way I can get anything written.

Rewards

After spending the last four days catching up on tasks related to Kickstarters, I took this afternoon off and went to see to Barbie again. Why do I watch certain movies repeatedly?

Because I get something out of any story I love when I watch/read multiple times. I read A Game of Thrones twice to identify Jon Snow's parents. I didn't notice the dice in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon until my third viewing of Star Wars. I didn't understand how adult Spongebob Squarepants was until GK made me set down and watch the show with him.

Did I catch more during the second viewing of Barbie? Yep. It's even more woke that the Maga snowflakes realized.

It equally criticizes feminism and toxic masculinity. No one's perfect, and the harder you tr to be, the less perfect you are. Doublespeak doesn't help anyone.

It enforces why I believe the Wiccan Rede--And ye harm none, do what ye will. Life is that simple and that complicated at the same time.

Taking Time for Your Kids

Last night, I planned to pack up the last twenty Kickstarter backer boxes, finish the stretch goal stories, and review two formatted ebooks. Then Genius Kid came out of his bedroom around two a.m. because he was having trouble sleeping.

We sat and talked for over two hours. Sometimes, you need to be there for your kids no matter how old they are or what things you need to get done. Even if it is just sitting and listening.

The other stuff can wait.

Dude! Where's My Snow?

We were supposed to get a heavy snowfall here in northwest Ohio today. The forecasters were predicting four to seven inches.

We barely have an inch left outside out of the two that fell. Temperatures climbed above freezing, and I can hear snow melt dripping into the gutters. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed.

We had stocked refrigerator, freezer, and cupboards in case we were stuck at home for a couple of days. I even had plenty of coffee, tea, and hot chocolate for writing. I was ready for a cozy afternoon while watching the fluffy white stuff fall in the back yard.

This has got to be the weirdest January I've experienced in Ohio. Very little snow, and the majority of the days have been in the high 40's to low 50's. But it's exactly what the climate scientists were trying to warn us about thirty years ago.

Just a ruminating old woman here. Be about your business, folks.

Everyone Starts Somewhere

I keep hearing baby writers worried about learning curves and time. It's an incredibly naive way at looking at the universe. Time marches on for every single human on this planet. The only question is what do you do with that time.

Or maybe I really did get lucky. You see I didn't have grandparents or even great-grandparents that quit living when they reached a certain age. One grandmother didn't graduate high school, but she could give most botanists and ornithologists a run for their money. The other grandmother worked her way through college during the Great Depression. One great-grandfather literally farmed until the day he died at the age of 92.

I got in a discussion/argument during a science ethics class with the professor. At what age do you quit? Quit learning. Quit growing. Quit living. My point was they are all the same thing. His argument was people get tired or they've reached a peak and they stop. The problem is we are both right.

Some people create their own timer of when to stop living. Or writing.

And it's not a function of age either. It's what you decide. Not what other people think.

When I was in law school, I was in in my thirties. I didn't have a whole lot in common with the students fresh out of college. No, I hung out with the other students who treated law as a second or third career. The folks in their forties through their sixties.

It doesn't matter when you start writing or publishing. You need to learn the craft and master the tools. You're still going to be ten years older a decade from now whether you write and study or not. If you don't want to write, that's fine. But do it or don't do it because that's what you want. Not because you're whining that it's going to take too long.

We all start somewhere at some point in time. Go read Aesop's The Hare and the Tortoise is you need some perspective.

Plague, War, Taxes, and Snow

Coronavirus Pandemic Day 769
Known COVID-19 cases in the U.S. - 80,612,681
Known COVID-19 deaths in the U.S. - 988,558

This will be my last COVID-19 numbers update. A large amount of local and state government health and welfare departments have stopped reporting. The official number above are no longer accurate. And all this is being dropped as Omicron-b is wending it's way through the nation. I need to ask my own general practitioner about another booster when I go in for my quarterly checkup in June.

In the meantime, the invasion of Ukraine continues. Atrocities rise, and President Zelensky pleads for help from an uncaring world.

Today is Tax Day in the U.S., but the government is being incredibly slow in processing returns, even if you got yours in early and are due a refund. I don't mind paying taxes because I like good roads and good schools, but no one in Washington can pull their heads out of their asses long enough to compromise a tiny bit in order to get things accomplished. *sigh*

And then, I woke up to the picture above. The early spring flowers bloomed like crazy last week. These two little daffodils had some protection from the eaves, but the rest are frozen and drooping on all sides of the house. It's supposed to be sunny and dry tomorrow and Wednesday, so I'll try to get the rest of the pruning and trimming done.

I don't know about the rest of you, but as much as I like sipping coffee while watching the snow fall, I'm ready for some shorts weather!

Your Work Isn't Everything

I've been busy getting everything lined up for delivery for my campaign's rewards. Between juggling all that and working on A Measure of Knowledge, I found myself stretched in too many directions. To the point where I accidentally blew off plans with a friend yesterday because I overslept.

I apologized profusely, and she was kind to me about the situation. However, I don't like being the flaky friend. And I've been doing it way too much lately.

So today is a day to take a step back and do things for the family and friends in my life.

Princess Bella and I rode with DH to his dad's accountant to turn over the documents and reports. FIL started having cognitive issues toward the end of last year. We didn't realize how bad it was until DH took over his dad's finances. It took DH the last six months to get everything entered into FIL's home accounting software and correct the entries prior to him taking over.

I'm getting Easter boxes ready to send to Genius Kid and Adorable Spawn. I returned a text to a friend. I texted another friend. Sending out a couple of birthday cards. Mailing a Christmas/Birthday package that's really, REALLY late.

As much as I love writing, I have to remind myself that people make the world go 'round, and I need to be kind.

Coronavirus Pandemic Day 552 - I Do Matter

Known Coronavirus Cases in the U.S. -- 41,547,621
Known Coronavirus Deaths in the U.S. -- 670,527

I've heard variations of the words "You don't matter" all my life.

I'm a female so I don't matter.

I don't have a college education so I don't matter.

I have a college education so I don't matter/

I like Star Trek so I don't matter.

I live in rural America so I don't matter.

I live in urban America so don't matter.

I'm not an athlete so I don't matter.

I'm a bookworm so I don't matter

And I could keep going, but you get the gist.

It's tiring, right? Except now, I have some measure of  peace in my own home with a flower garden. But what happens to the people who can't find that peace. The ones who can't escape all the voices and actions that scream they don't matter.

Social justice warrior is a dirty word in our society. Those against it want to cling to their fragile illusion of power. But it's power based on cruelty. That cruelty is wielded to break all the bonds of fairness that people are trying to weave together. How nasty can we be to our fellow humans before we break inside?

I do matter. And so do all of you.

TGIF! TGIF! TGIF!

After a couple of nights of decent sleep, I felt halfway decent this morning. We have steady electricity, hot water, and A/C again.

Tonight, DH and I are doing Mexican food and watching The Suicide Squad. Tomorrow, we'll work on the yard and flower beds. Sunday, we're meeting some friends from Cincinnati for brunch.

Frankly, I can use the breather.

What are y'all up to this weekend?

Coronavirus Pandemic Day 412 - The Slowdown Has Commenced

The day-to-day numbers are starting to look better, even though the overall numbers are grostesque. 32,244,617 known cases of COVID-19 in the U.S. 577,224 known deaths due to COVID-19.

People I know are getting their vaccines as soon as they possibly can. I hope the rest of you are, too. COVID-19 is an ugly way to die, literally drowning in your own blood. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

But the increase in vaccinated people and the use of masks and social distancing are lowering the infection rates, and with that, the deaths.

In the meantime, I'm entering my own slow growth period. I need to get caught up on paperback releases in May and type words on the next Justice book because at the end of June/beginning of July, I will become a grandma. And yes, I know I will be distracted.

We just got back from a visit with Genius Kid and Significant Other in Texas. The new crib and mattress didn't arrived until after we left, but we did get them baby and children's books to read to Adorable Spawn, plus Deadpool and Star Trek:TOS onesies while we were there. A.S will be the geekiest baby on the block.

I did get work stuff done during this road trip, so that bodes well for future road trips. And I don't mind performing the late night duties while we're there later this year. However, we are definitely getting a hotel room because my body has become too old for air mattresses on the floor. Heck, we might even be able to take Princess Puppy Bella with us if we stay at a hotel. We simply can't have her beating up on Blaze the Wonder Shepard.

Dean Wesley Smith calls summer the time of Great Forgetting. I'm not forgetting a damn thing. My priorities have changed because I want the new generation to have a healthy, loving start in life.

Coronavirus Pandemic Day 26 - Killing With Kindness

Everyone's stressed. I get that. You've lost your job. Money's tight. Or you're trying to work full-time from home while homeschooling your kids. Everything's changing, and we feel lost.

And with stress is coming anger and despair. Because there's no end in sight.

First, take a deep breath. Let it out. Inhale, then exhale a few more times. Just concentrate on nothing but your breathing.

What can you manage right now?

For starters, you can manage your reaction to other people. It means if you're finding yourself getting angry, ask yourself what you're really upset about.

Can you walk away from the other person for a bit? Can you count to ten to give yourself a chance to rein in your temper?

Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Show them a little empathy. There's a lot of people putting their lives on the line to make sure you have what you need. Everyone from the ER staff to the kid from DoorDash.

Is one or more of your social media friends talking too much politics or very negative? It's okay to mute them for thirty days.

It's okay if you need a break from anyone, online or inside your house.

If you don't feel safe in your house, call for help. The folks at shelters understand.

It's okay if you need a hug. It may have to be a virtual hug for now, but the feeling is there. Or hug yourself.

As the Doctor says, "Always be kind. Never cruel."

Keep yourself safe. Shelter in a safe place. For most of us, the safest place is home.

Don't go out unless you absolutely have to. Like when you decided to adopt a toy dog seven months ago, and they have a teaspoon-sized bladder.

If you don't have an intubation tube shoved down your throat right now, thank the universe. Thousands of people would love to trade places with you.

Turn off the news to keep yourself sane.

Talk a walk and enjoy the spring air and sunshine.

Count your blessings.

Live.

Karma's a Bitch

Here's a warning for all of you!!

Hug your mom before you leave. Doesn't matter how old you are or where your going. Otherwise, Karma will delay you in Chicago O'Hare in the middle of a thunderstorm. BWAHAHAHA!