Hatred on the Internet

Invariably, someone will feel they need to argue, so I'm going to close comments on this post. The fact I feel the need to close comments says how bad the problem has become.

The hate is strong in the world these days. It's not just things like the burning of African-American churches across the U.S. or slut shaming of underage rape victims or harassment of members of the LGBT community. It's gotten to the point I don't read comments on my favorite sites. It's gotten to the point I've blocked several friends on FB. It's gotten to the point I don't even get on Twitter anymore.

There is very little compassion or empathy on the internet. There's been several studies including one published in Psychology Today. And if you look at the comments, well, the trolls kind of proved the author's point.

There's irony inherent in a system that can bring people together from around the world can also be used to divide us. People like Dylann Roof allegedly not only told friends about his intentions to kill blacks, but proclaimed his intentions on his Facebook page and his own website. What makes his threats valid and another person's nothing more than blowing off steam online, other than the fact Dylann allegedly carried out his plan?

I think the fact we don't know which is which online makes the problem more troubling. A friend shared a post online about rape vs. consent only to have a male she considered a friend PM her with a sexist joke. When she called him on it, he didn't apologize. Instead, he doubled-down, claimed she was being too sensitive, women like being sexually harassed if the harassee is good-looking, etc.

So how do we as a multi-cultural world deal with someone else's anger? How do we help these people to change their behavior into something positive?

The problem is we can't. Sometimes the beliefs are so hardcore, so ingrained, that to give these people an alternative sends them into an emotional tailspin.

Then there are the trolls who enjoy inflicting pain.

So how do you respond when you're not sure which party you're dealing with? I wish I had the answer to that.

If you respond to a troll, you're only helping him jack off. If you allow the hatred to permeate without a response, then folks on the edge start to think this behavior is acceptable.

The best thing that can happen is that the owner of the site monitors comments. That the owner explicitly states the comment policy. By having a website open to public comment, we are responsible for the level of discourse.

I've had people get mad about some of the things I post here. I've had people get mad when I've called them out for some of the things they've said in comments. I've had people get pissed because I deleted their comment. So be it.

The comment policy here is that you need to be civil, and yes, since WWW is under my control, then my judgment on what is civil rules.

This isn't a First Amendment issue. This is what my parents and grandparents called "using your company manners." If you can't behave in any public venue, maybe you shouldn't venture into that space.

Women in Science Fiction and in Real Science

I was going to talk about something entirely different today, but it's been a bizarre week for the intersection of women, sexism, science and fiction.

Kris Rusch talked about how women were quite prevalent in science fiction writing until the last twenty or so years in her blog post, Hidden Treasures. She goes on to lament how much work is being lost as the public switches from print to digital. To counteract the obscurity, she has started a website, Women in Science Fiction.

Kris's efforts came to my attention at the same time I heard Nobel-winning scientist Tim Hunt make some rather sexist remarks concerning the need for gender-segregated labs because female scientists were too distracting.

#DistractinglySexy pictures flooded Twitter, and AJ+ put them together in a highly amusing video.



Sometimes, laughter is the best response to stupidity.

Sometimes I Weep for the Future...

Unles you've been living under a rock for the last few days, you've probably heard about the racist bullshit involving a Cheerios commercial showing a white woman in a family relationship with a black man. Frankly, the whole stupidity makes me want to cry. Which is why I LOVE this meme:

But other writers give me hope. Go read N.K. Jemisin's Guest of Honor speech she gave at the Continuum SF convention in Australia.

I think what bothers me most is that Nora shouldn't have to send out a call to action for equality. Too many people have fought too long and too hard for rights that we are letting slip through our fingers.

On top of the Cheerios commercial, there's the sexism blow-up in the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America organization. Angie Benedetti has a rundown here and here with lots of links to other writers.

Why are we letting other people foster this hate (yes, I'm specifically talking about the GOP, the Tea Party and Fox News)? Even worse, why are so many of us taking this into our hearts?  Can we not accept that things change?

Well, guess what? Change is a part of life. When my great-grandparents were born, the Civil War had been over less than twenty-five years before. Automobiles were fancy toys rich people used to scare horses. And the idea that human could fly? Laughable.

Five out of eight of my great-grandparents lived to see Neil Armstrong walk on the moon. I let my son stay up to watch the returns for the 2008 presidential election.

Because things change.

Yet, my mother still refers to African-Americans by the n-word, despite having a master's degree in multi-cultural education. My sister-in-law claims immigrants are pushing her out of a job, even though she lost one position because she was caught stealing. I've been told by several well-meaning "friends" that I shouldn't make more than DH because it affects his self-esteem.

Hell, if the last one were true, I wouldn't be married to the guy in the first place.

So what does this have to do with a Cheerios ad?

They put out a damn cute commercial, and I'll buy more of their cereal to support a company that uses the same types of families I see everyday.

Including in my own house.

It's a Joke!

There are times in your life when you're going to put your foot in your mouth. It's inevitable. And I'm hardly innocent in this matter. (I used the word "crippled" to describe a character with quadriplegia. A reader called me on my offensive behavior.)

But it's how you handle the dumbassery when you're called on it that really matters.

You start by apologizing. Not excusing, not back-handed apologizing. A simple apology. Maybe with a promise not to do it again.

WRONG: I'm sorry you were offended.

RIGHT: I'm sorry.

The worst one though is "I was just joking."

Yesterday, I read another blog post that was so sexist that it made me literally nauseous. I protested in comments. The response I got from both the writer and the blog host, both women by the way? The writer was just joking, that she was being ironic. In fact, the blog host went as far as comparing the post to Stephen Colbert.

Um, no. Pointing out hypocritical absurdities in our culture isn't the same as saying Ellen Ripley (starship officer trying not to be used by an alien as a baby incubator) and Annie Wilkes (psycho who delights in cutting off the limbs of her favorite author) are the same type of woman.

In fact, it's all too close to someone making a racist/homophobic/religiously offensive joke, then looking at the offended person with a blank expression. "B-but I can't be a bigot. I have friends who are black/gay/Muslim."

As one of my favorite authors would say, once you've put your writing out in the world, it's up to the reader to interpret your meaning.

If you did your job correctly as a writer, the image in the reader's head will be very close to the image in your head.

If you failed miserably as a writer, well, you're going to get called on it.

Why the Kitchen Sink Is Important

SFF Author Scott Lynch wrote a scathing retort to a reader who complained about Scott's heroine in Red Seas under Red Skies being a black, middle-aged woman.

As I read it, I wanted to scream, "Hell to the yeah!"

I want to read about variety. I want to write about variety. I want to share with my son that variety exists in this world.

One time, another writer read one of my Bloodlines books. Her primary complaint was that I threw in every race and religion as well as the kitchen sink. Most of my characters are vampires. They reflect the culture and religion of the time they were born.

I simply stared at her and said, "You expect me to take that criticism seriously?"

"It will confuse people," she replied.

"So your personal life is confusing to you?"

"Huh?"

I leaned back and folded my arms. "Your mom's Mexican. Your dad's American. And you're married to a Chinese guy."

"Never mind."