Real Life Vampires

Is it just me or have a large number of indie writers turned to writing how-to books for writers instead of writing fiction?

Yes, money's down for a lot of writers when it comes to fiction.

First of all, the complaints are coming at a normal time of the year. August-September is filled with parents and grandparents dealing with new schedules, new schools, and new kids' clothes. It's all our readers can do to deal with their own job, homework, and dinner before they collapse on the couch in exhaustion, only to run the same race the next day.

There's not too much you can do about the natural yearly highs and lows of books sales.

Secondly, I know I can't just put out a book and make a ton of dosh anymore, but I expected that with a maturing system. A lot of folks seem to think the gold rush should have kept going forever. Those writers with business experience realized it wasn't going to and made adjustments. Those who haven't? Well, they have seen a sharp decline in sales.

Why? Because there's a surplus of material. Hell, I've got 559 books in Kindle right now. I've read maybe 100 of them so far. That doesn't count the 1,000+ paper books, and the Nook and iBook books I haven't read yet.

Do I think people should stop writing? Nope. That's not my worry.

It's seems like more and more writers are supplementing their income by writing and selling industry-related how-to books. But a lot of these folks don't have the expertise they claim they have.

Or worse, they advocate gray hat or black hat tactics that will lose a new author not only their money, but their retailer accounts and their reputations.

"But, wait!" I hear some of you saying. "You put out a book on business planning a few years ago."

Yes, I did, but it was based on experience as a lawyer writing up business plans, both for personal use and for clients. By the same token, I took the book down when I didn't have enough time to update it properly. So much was changing so fast in the early days of indie publishing. The last thing any new writer needed was outdated information.

And that's probably the difference. I took my ethics seriously as an attorney, and I still do as a writer. I believe we should be making money from our art. Not from speaking engagements. Not from shilling get-rich-quick schemes to people with stars in their eyes.

Does this mean every self-help thing is bullshit? No, but take a hard, HARD look at who's offering it and what their bonafides are. And I don't mean their fucking Amazon rank. That number is irrelevant. It doesn't tell the whole story of someone's income, much less their entire career.

In any time of chaotic change, there are those looking to make a difference and those who want to suck those dreams and dollars from anyone. Take a hard look at what anyone, including me, is offering.

Ask the hard questions. Follow the money path. Who's actually profiting from your time and your money? What are you really getting from the services and/or products offered?

Most of all, remember that when something sounds too good to be true, it usually is too good to be true.

It's okay not to know everything. None of us does. But you and your work are the most important things, and you need to do everything in your power to protect them.

Good luck!

Time Crunches and Writer Stupidity

I've had my head down for the last couple of weeks in order to get A Matter of Death finalized and proofed before my formatter is out of the office for the rest of this month. DH and I went to see Rocket Man a month ago, and I haven't even had a chance to write up my review. So I haven't blogged much either.

So I'm doing my meerkat pose to see what's going on in the world.

And overall, it's pretty much a typical July in the publishing world.

Trad pub is slowing down as acquiring editors vacation on Mummy and Daddy's estate in the Hamptons. Smashwords is having their semi-annual sale. And Amazon does shit to their store.

Why Amazon updates right before their super-spectacular Prime Day is beyond me, but July's the month for all software roll-outs, and by gum, they're sticking to that schedule!

The other thing that happens right before Prime Day is scammer clean-up. So a bunch of top-selling authors had the ban hammer dropped on them.

Folks, piece of advice. It's Amazon's store and they can do whatever they want. Their rules are posted and/or easily found. Acting dumb when you're clearly violating the TOC doesn't become you.

And if you're a writer who's worried about your account, here's the rules. Simply stated:

1) Back/extraneous matter must be 10% or less of the total e-book file.

2) Don't have banned subjects in your books, which includes, but is not limited to, incest, rape, necrophilia, dubcon, etc.

3) Don't use trigger words in your title or description, which includes, but is not limited to, virgin, rape, daddy, etc.

4) Don't bookstuff.

5) Don't use click farms to increase your rank.

6) Don't buy thousands of your books to increase your rank, hit a bestseller list, etc. Also, don't giveaway cash or a cash equivalent in order for people to buy your books for you.

7) Don't use your books to promote contests or giveaways. They are illegal or have serious restrictions in many countries where Amazon sells books. Amazon ain't getting fined for your shit.


This isn't a complete list by any means. However, I have my own rule: don't do any of this shit, then whine when your Amazon account is terminated. You ain't getting any sympathy from this corner of the multiverse.

The 26 Days of Christmas IS Interrupted for the Mother of All Rants

Well, I made it to December 9th before someone (or in this case, more than one someone) did something really stupid. I tried to be positive this holiday season.

Really. I did.

1) Posting links to your blog on someone else's is rude. Begging me more than once to let you write a guest post is rude. Here's the deal at WWW: if I don't know you personally, get involved in the conversation and leave a few comments. If you have no idea what's going on here, then you shouldn't be asking. Once I get to know you, we'll talk.

2) If you want something from someone, say 'please.' It's not begging. It's not a cultural thing. It's called common courtesy. If you can't use 'please' when requesting a favor from me, I'm not going to fucking do another thing for you. Capice?

3) If you leave a comment here on a post that's over a week old, you will get a message saying "Awaiting moderation." That means the comment won't appear until I check and release it. And frankly, I work full-time, so that means, when I get a chance. I've had enough problems with spambots, so fans OF OTHER WRITERS probably should not leave repeated messages.

I mean, seriously, dudes? That's insulting.

4) If you're an indie writer, I can no longer recommend Draft2Digital as a distributor. Frankly, the issues I'm having, above and beyond the Kernel Pornocalypse, need their own post for the details. And since the matter has yet to be resolved, the full details will have to wait for another day.

Rant complete. Please resume your holiday merriment.

(And yes, I will fucking say, "Happy Holidays," if I damn well feel like it!)

Writers Gone Stupid

This is going to be one of my rants, so if you don't want to read it, CLICK AWAY NOW!

See? That was a simple choice, wasn't it? Click away. Don't click away.

So why is it that I get phone calls, e-mails, Facebook comments, etc., from writers who can't make a simple fucking choice?

Even before the Kindle and Amazon turned the publishing industry into the Wild West, writers had some choices. Submit to this editor. Don't submit to that editor. Write romance. Don't write romance. It's really not that hard.

My favorite though is when they ask me for advice and I tell them not to stand in the middle of the freeway at night. Yet, they do it anyway.

So why do so many writers stand in the middle of the freeway at night, stare at the headlights of the oncoming semi-truck, and not move the hell out of the way? I really can't answer that. That's the point I truly lose my faith in my gods and believe Darwin and the atheists were right all along.

These writers, still standing in the middle of the freeway, are stupid enought to ask me what they should do. I shake my head and say, "Die in horrible accident. Don't die in horrible accident. Your choice."

And invariably when I present the choice to the writer that way, he/she says, "What if I've fallen out of my wheelchair and I can't get out of the way?"

If that's your follow-up, I swear to Anubis, I will look at you like you lost your last marble, and I will say, "Wheelchair or not, why the fuck are you stupid enough to be in the middle of oncoming traffic to begin with?"

Serious *FacePalm* Here (And a Special Deal)

I'm totally embarrassed. I'm not sure how this happened, but the file for Amish, Vamps & Thieves replaced the file for Zombie Confidential.

So basically, for the last how-knows-how-long, folks downloading ZC from Smashwords, Sony, Barnes & Noble, Apple, Kobo and Diesel were getting a free copy of AVT instead.

Here's the problem: I've uploaded the correct copy of ZC to Smashwords (and definitely double-checked EVERYTHING this time!). Smashwords will be distributing the corrected book file over the next couple of weeks.

If you download ZC again, it'll replace the copy that's really AVT. I don't want to punish my readers for something that was my screw-up.

On top of everything, I FINALLY received the Amish bonnet I ordered nearly a year ago. So I'll be uploading AVT with the new cover within the next couple of weeks.

So here's the special deal!
If you downloaded Zombie Confidential between June 19th and September 30th, 2012, forward me a copy of your receipt from one of the following retailers:

Smashwords
Sony
Barnes & Noble
Apple
Kobo
Diesel

 I'll e-mail you FREE copies of Zombie Confidential and Amish, Vamps & Thieves with the new cover in EPUB format with unique file names so they won't conflict with your other downloads.

Forward your receipt to suzan at suzanharden dot com.

Again, I'm terriby sorry for the mix-up, and many, MANY thanks to Mel for letting me know about the problem!