Monday Movie Mania - The Secret Lives of Pets

Sixteen-year-olds aren't into animated movies in a public theater, but they'll curl up on the couch with their moms and watch them on Netflix. LOL

No SPOILERS warning since this movie came out nearly two years ago.

Unfortunately, both of us hated The Secret Lives of Pets. Genius Kid called it a rip-off of Bolt. I thought it ripped off Toy Story. And the bunny Snowball looked exactly like Hoodwinked's Boingo. Needless to say, neither of us were impressed.

Illumination Entertainment did such a wonderful job with the Despicable Me series. However, this was an incredible disappointment. Derivative. No surprises. No heart. Nothing original about this story whatsoever. Seriously, when Kevin Hart can't save your movie, it's bad.

So very, VERY bad.

Not even bad in a good way. Neither GK or I can figure out how this movie was one of the highest-grossing films of 2016.

The sequel has been announced, and Harrison Ford has been cast as Max, replacing Louis CK who lost the job after a rash of sexual misconduct allegations. As much as I love Harrison, I don't think I can force myself to watch The Secret Lives of Pets 2.

Overall, I have to give this film 0 stars out of 10.

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Big Publishers Now Looking to Indies for Marketing Ideas (And I'm Highly Amused)

On a Monday two years ago, a tip popped up on Alter Ego's Facebook feed. A handful of her friends were telling their friends that the first seven books of Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series were bundled on Amazon for $1.99.

Yep, Randy Penguin had had a bundle sale.

When indies started doing stuff like low priced e-books and even lower priced bundles, the pundits were screaming from the rooftops that indies were destroying culture. Yet, here we are, ten years down the road since the Kindle was introduced, and the big publishers are doing the exact same thing.

Sadly, things can be traced back to L.K. Rigel's cover for her novel, Spiderwork. Harper Collins liked the original artwork so much that they ripped off cover artist Nathalia Suellen. The matter was eventually settled, but not before L.K. and Nathalia had to get their attorneys involved and the art director at Harper Collins lost her job. And poor author Alix Flinn was blamed for a lot of the mess though it was her publisher who started the kerfluffle, not her.

Obtaining one of the coveted promotional slots on BookBub has been difficult for the last few years. It's even more so now that trad publishers are using it to promote their backlists. I signed up for the SFF list years ago. I've been seeing a lot of old favorites that came out when I was in grade school or even before I was born. Authors like Katherine Kurtz, Andre Norton, and Anne McCaffrey.

The swing side of trad publishing BookBub slots are setting the first book in a series (or even all the volumes released so far) at a sale price to goose sales of the latest release of the series.

The odd part is the pricing for these sale books. The trad publishers are pricing books at $1.99, the price that most indies consider the dead zone. It does make the book stand out from the indie crowd. Part of me would love to know what their actual units are for one of these twenty-four-hour sales.

Finally, the trad publishers are contracting with indie writers again. After unit sales didn't meet the marketing department's expectations between 2012 and 2016, the trad publishers backed away from pursuing indie writers, and more than a few indie writers they did pursue refused to sign. Now, trad publishers are looking at high-selling indies again, but they are being more selective on who they are handing out contracts to. For example, J.A. "Joe" Konrath signed with Kensington Publishing. It'll be interesting to see how things work out with Joe.

As I said in the title of this post, I find these changes funny more than anything. A lot of the things authors have been asking for over the decades are now being delivered--now that those same writers proved they were financially feasible.

We must not be so crappy after all since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?

Pacing, and Not Back and Forth Across a Room

Something I've noticed in books I haven't finished reading over the last couple of years is a problem with pacing. This includes both indie and trad. I don't know if it's my collection of experience over the last fifteen years, my jaded view of entertainment, or if it's really getting worse as the years roll on.

What is story pacing? It's the rhythm of a story. The lulls and peaks in action. I've seen it described as the manipulation of time, an EKG graph with increases intensity, or  the stages of sexual response.

A story should lead to a satisfying conclusion for the genre in which it is written. That doesn't necessarily mean a "happily ever after" (HEA) or a "happy for now" (HFN) ending.

In Gone with the Wind, Scarlett's machinations result in Rhett leaving her at the end. Most of the story is Scarlett fighting her own stubbornness, vanity and impulses. She can't see the damage she's doing until it's too late. While her husband has left her, the story does not end on a sad note. Scarlett swears to win Rhett back.

Scarlett's story is marked by a series of high and low points. While it seems like the escape from Atlanta should be the high point of the entire story, it's not. This false win is followed by an even worse crash--starvation and danger in the aftermath of the Civil War.

As Scarlett rebuilds her post-war life, there is a series of peaks and valleys once again. This stage shows our heroine gaining more independence with each step. The penultimate tragedy is the accidental death of her youngest daughter Bonnie Blue. Rhett leaving Scarlett was foreshadowed by Ashley's statement to the effect of a couple needing the same temperament.

These rhythms don't necessarily have to match exactly for both the main plot and any subplots. In fact, opposing rhythms are a hallmark of romantic suspense. It's difficult to have any sexy time when trying to solve a murder or when someone's trying to kill you. A lull in the action gives the protagonists' budding romance to build. If it's done right, solving the crime/catching the killer comes about the same time as the couples' declaration of togetherness.

Those books I mention that I did not finish? There's a discordant rhythm. The stakes for the protagonist(s) did not rise. Sometimes, they even went down.

In an sf romance I actually managed to finish, two people are trying to stop an assassination. Except they weren't personally involved other than their learned knowledge of the crime which was supposed to take place on a planet in an entirely different solar system. Some place they weren't even going to. In other words, there was plenty of time to build their romance.

In fact, there was too much time. The writer had to invent contrived reasons to keep the couple apart because they never left the space station. Oh, and how did they prevent the assassination? They called the police on the planet where it was supposed to happen.

By the way, this was a trad published book.

*eyeroll*

Pacing is something you learn through practice. Yeah, I know, "practice" is a dirty word among some writing circles. But seriously, if you're a plotter, draw a graph of the high/low points in your story. If you're a pantser, draw your graph after the first draft. It'll give you a starting point of what needs to be fixed.

Remember! Craft is king, and no one's going to recommend your book to their friends if they are mumbling "WTF" while they are reading it.

Monday Movie Mania - Pacific Rim Uprising

I'll be honest. I wasn't expecting much from Pacific Rim: Uprising other than some loud, fun robot-monster, oops!, make that Jaeger-Kaiju action. I was pleasantly surprised they had a decent story with a logical twist that harkened back to the original.

I give John Boyega a lot of credit for not resting on only his acting chops. His company, Upperroom Entertainment Limited, co-produced this film, giving John a producing credit as well as top billing.


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SPOILERS


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PROS
1) Boyega's Jake is the black sheep of the Pentecost clan. Ten years after the Battle of the Breach, Jake is living large as a black marketer. Boyega effortlessly shows Jake's switch from punk to the military leader that his father thought he could be.

2) Cailee Spaeny was adorable as Amara, a Jaegar fan and mechanic.

3) Rinko Kikuchi is back as Jaeger pilot, now PPDC secretary-general, Mako Mori. *fangirl squee*

4) Another *fangirl squee* for the incredible Jing Tian (The Great Wall) as industrialist Liwen Shao. Again, she did an incredible, seamless switch between greedy corporatist to much-needed ally of the PPDC.

5) The sad betrayal involves a member of the previous cast, and if you've seen the original Pacific Rim, it's totally believable.

6) The post credits scene implies plans are in place for a franchise continuation. *crosses fingers*


CONS
1) A certain female character was fridged. Yeah, I'm pissed and disappointed.

2)  I only wish the story had done more to explore Mako and Jake's relationship, especially since Mako became the Jaeger pilot Stryker expected Jake to became.

3) Poor Scott Eastwood was mere eye candy despite second billing in this film. The poor guy could do a decent job if someone could give him a role with some meat.


Overall, I give Pacific Rim: Uprising 8 stars out of 10 for good, old-fashioned monster fun.

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F*CK CANCER!

Sometimes Life Rolls Right Over You

Confession time. Part of my rant last week was because I went in for another mammogram on April 9th. Yeah, another one. My fourth in a year.

I wish I could say I found the lump through an intended self-exam. In reality, I was working on some accounting stuff while watching a new episode of The Walking Dead at the end of March, 2017. The back of my left hand brushed against my left breast as I reached for a receipt. And I felt something hard through my t-shirt.

My first thought was "lint ball".  Sometimes, lint balls from the clothes dryer magnetically stick to my t-shirts and bras instead of getting sucked into the filter, and when I'm still half asleep while dressing, I don't notice. At a commercial, I went to the bathroom to fish out the lint ball.

It wasn't a lint ball. The hard thing was definitely under my skin. I yelled for DH and asked if he felt the same thing I did. Never one to refuse a request  to feel me up, he checked. And frowned. And checked again.

So I called my gynecologist the next morning. She got me in for a check-up a couple of days later. She checked. And frowned. And checked again.

She had an appointment for me at the diagnostic center the following Monday for a full mammogram. The radiologist didn't like the look of the x-rays, so the tech trundled me over to the ultrasound room for another look. Yep, definitely a mass inside my breast.

So I went back to my gynecologist with the test results, and she referred me to a surgeon. He checked. And frowned. And checked again. Then he did his own ultrasound and a needle aspiration. A couple of days later, he called. The biopsy results were inconclusive, but he didn't want to slice and dice without being sure. "We're going to keep an eye on it."

That was the beginning of April, and he wanted me back in August. Once again, he checked my lump. And frowned. And checked again.

Another ultrasound mammogram. Another needle biopsy. Another inconclusive result.

So Easter weekend, the surgeon's office called to set up my appointment at the diagnostic center for the whole kabob once again. X-rays showed a change to the mass. Once again, I was trundled to the ultrasound room for another look.

This time, the radiologist came in to talk to me after she looked at all the pics and comparing them to last year's. It's pretty serious if the radiologist bothers to talk to you. She had me recite everything that had been done. And frowned.

"We need to core," she said. "I'll talk to your surgeon."

Apparently, he didn't argue. The next morning, a nurse from the diagnostic center called with my appointment this week.

A core is a little more than a needle aspiration and a little less than a lumpectomy. The radiologist who did the procedure seemed pleased with the quality of the samples she pulled. Now, it's a matter of waiting for the pathology reports.

So right now, I'm sitting in my recliner with an ice pack in my bra and desperately wishing for an NSAID. (Acetaminophen doesn't do a whole lot for me.) Most of the bruising is from the doctor's generous application of lidocaine shots prior to the coring.

She also inserted a titanium clip into the hole to mark the spot. The x-ray tech took a few more pictures to mark the spot of the clip before they sent me home.

Last night, DH and I had a little fun with his stud-finder. Yep, there's definitely a bit of metal in my boob.

I don't know what's going to happen next. DH is a little upset I'm planning for the worst case scenario. I'm not being negative. I really don't want to die. But I've seen first-hand the effects of chemotherapy on people. Chemo brain is a real thing, and my ability to write will be limited if I do have to be treated for breast cancer. If the worst-case scenario happens, it will play havoc with my 2018 writing schedule, not merely delay it.

If it's not cancer, then life goes on as normal, and I stick to my original plan.

But regardless, I find being Schroedinger's cat damn annoying.

Monday Movie Mania - Bright

After nagging from friends and Genius Kid, we signed up for Netflix. The first thing I watched on our new account was Bright, an urban fantasy, buddy cop flick with Will Smith. If you've watched the James Caan/Mandy Patinkin sf film Alien Nation, you've got the gist of the plot.


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SPOILERS


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PROS
1) Will Smith and Joel Edgarton's onscreen chemistry.

2) Smith has gone from the brash rookie to the world-weary, marginally corrupt vet, and he makes it work.

3) The elves taking over Beverly Hills was pretty funny.


CONS
1) The pacing is off. This feels like a one-hour TV pilot that was padded out to make a feature-length film.

2) The writers were a little too heavy-handed with the social commentary. Comment is fine, but they turned it into an entire sermon.

3) Too many of the buddy cop clichés made it predictable. I would have been happy with one or two surprises.


Overall, it was a decent bit of weekend fluff, Like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Alien Nation, I don't think concept will be fully realized unless/until it goes to series. I give Bright 7 stars out 10.

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