Managing Your Expectations

Let's assume you're a writer looking for an agent.  What talents/skills are you looking for?
The agent job description doesn't just include sales.  There's legal stuff, like contracts and foreign rights.  Some agents edit.  Some brainstorm with their clients.  Others like the marketing and promotional aspects of their chosen profession.  An agent can perform one or all or none of these roles.

The ones that perform none are the ones to watch out for.  One caveat to remember is there's no criteria for becoming an agent.  Anyone can hang out a shingle and say, "I'm an agent."  Hell, I could.  (I'd suck at it, but I could.)  Do your research.  Get recommendations and opinions.

And by recommendations and opinions, I mean ask someone published by Agent X about his/her experience.  Not "Gimme an introduction!"

Check out the agent's personality and reputation.  ALWAYS check Preditors & Editors!

Long before you get 'The Call' from an agent, you should have a list of questions for him/her.  This is a business relationship, folks.  Don't go in blind.  Ask published friends what they asked and what they wish they'd asked before signing the contract.

And don't fool yourself.  It is a legal, binding contract you are signing.  When I still practiced law, I had more than a few folks ask me, "How do I get out of this?"  As an attorney, I believe in preventative research.  As a writer, I still believe.

Part of that prevention is not only knowing what an agent can do for you.  It's knowing what he/she can't do.

- An offer of representation is not a guarantee the agent can sell your book.  What will the agent do if he/she can't get a publisher interested?  How many publishers will he/she approach?  Which publishers?

- An agent can't make your book marketable.  Just because she 'LOVES' the premise doesn't mean the publishers will.  Writers need to watch the market too.

- Your agent is not your best friend.  This is a business relationship, not a personal relationship.  If you need to vent about your dick of an ex, call your sister, your mom, your BFF.  Not your agent.  Sometimes a friendship develops, but  what do you think is going to happen if agent drops you or vice versa.  Yeah, you can see that trainwreck coming, can't you?

With the coming of our e-book overlords, a lot of the nitty, gritty stuff will change.  General business common sense won't.  There will be things a writer can manage on their own.  Your best bet is knowing your own strengths and weaknesses, then hiring the appropriate person to cover the areas where you're lacking.

Anyone else out in the interwebs have suggestions on what to look for in an agent?

Know What You're Really Getting Out of an Agent

Currently reading - Legal statutes and CDC papers on chronic diseases.  Seriously.

When I first read Angie Benedetti's comment on the Publishing Subjectivity the Retail Way post, I got pissed.  Liked steam coming out of my ears pissed.  And I couldn't figure out why I was so mad.

I like Angie.  We have similar viewpoints on a lot of subjects.  Her comments usually get me to think outside of my safe zone and really analyze what I want as a writer and as a human being.  Besides, she has an adorable dog, so she has to be a good person in my book.

So why was I so freakin' pissed?

(You know you should never reply to any communications while pissed as hell, right?)

For once, I listened to my own advice, walked away from the computer and thought.  I knew I wasn't angry at Angie.  Also, I wasn't angry about her opinions, because, geez, I'd heard the same opinions from hundreds of other people and never gotten mad.  So what the hell was triggering this reaction?

I do my best thinking while walking, but between errands, the start of soccer season, and other miscellaneous crap, the only time I actually walked was through the mall on Saturday.  (Yeah, I know.  The one freakin' Saturday I have off and I go to the same mall where I work.)

Lo and  behold, the Revelation came while purchasing bleeding tapers at Yankee Candle.  The trigger was the last paragraph.  Take out "writer" and substitute "attorney", add a lot of obscenities and name-calling, and you've got a VERY similar conversation I had with a particular client when I still practiced law.

At time, this person had only been a client for literally four days.  I even came in to the office on a Saturday because she couldnt take time off from work.  Unfortunately, she expected me to immediately solve a problem that, in truth, was her own fault.  As she screamed at me over the phone on Wednesday, I couldn't help but think, If your opinion of me is so low, why did you hire me in the first place?  Needless to say, I told her she needed to find another attorney who could meet her needs.

Now I knew the emotional trigger, the next question was why I was bothered by the polarization of writer attitudes when it came to agents.

This led to Revelation #2 while I walked down to purchase the two new Twilight Barbies at Target.

The primary thing I hate about writers/agents bullshit is that few seem to truly understand the agent's role.  Roughly half the opinions of writers are that agents are the guardians to the gates of publishing heaven.  The other half believe an agent's only role is to suck out their souls.  (The only time either of these statements is true is if you let be true.)

Agents are not the boss of writers, but neither are they true employees. The best description I can come up with while on a football and Cincinnati chili overload is a professional partnership.  I would sign with an agent just like I would hire an accountant or a plumber--for their experience and professional expertise in the areas I'm totally lacking.  But I don't dictate exactly how they do their job.

For example, I can handle most basic toilet and sink repairs, but I call Dave, who's got twenty years of experience, for installing a new cold water shutoff valve in the kitchen.  On the other hand, my CPA Ed literally does everything for me when it comes to taxes.  Different professionals, different levels of reliance.

And if Dave pulls out the master bathroom tub when he's supposed to be replacing that shutoff, then yes, I have every right to raise holy hell because that's NOT the job he was hired to do.

Whether or not you hire an agent is your personal decision.  Hopefully you've made a career plan, and you know what your strengths and weaknesses are.  Some folks, like Angie and The Query Fairy, are business savvy ladies who don't want or need someone to tell them what they already know.  For others, like Classy Christie Craig, an agent has been a great help.  But the most important thing is knowing what YOU need.

One last tidbit to remember--with the rapid changes occurring in the publishing business, you want to make sure you get what you're paying for.

Tommorow:  Managing Your Expectations

Football Trivia

Currently reading - Not a damn thing; I've got three deadlines.

DH broke down today and took the infamous Carly Phillips hot pink iPod with him to GK's soccer practice today in order to listen to the Texans game.  Unfortunately Schaub and the boys lost to Baby Manning and the Giants.

On a further note, go back and read the comments section for Publishing Subjectivity the Retail Way.  We'll talk some more about their observations this week.

I love it when fairies give ideas for blog posts!

Publishing Subjectivity the Retail Way

Currently reading - Wolfsbane and Mistletoe, edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni P. L. Kelner

Today, Jessica Faust had an interesting post in the subject of subjectivity.  Go take a look.  I'll wait.

***

Now we can argue about salability versus "loving" the manuscript until we're blue.  Or I can point out the similarities to other retail goods.

I work as a sales clerk in a retail gift shop.  Our shop carries two brands of candles.  Brand Y uses petroleum-based paraffin wax with cotton-only wicks and natural oils for scent.  Brand Z uses soy wax with a cotton and metal wick and artificial scents.  Both products perform exactly as advertised.  And yes, we can debate renewability of resources, carbon footprints, etc.

But which brand of candle am I going to recommend to my customers?  The one that doesn't make me sneeze every two seconds!  Can I sell the other candle?  Yes, I can, but the first thing out of my mouth when a customer asks my opinion on the other candle is, "Do you have allergies?"

That's personal preference, folks.

Public Service Announcement

Currently reading - Wolfsbane and Mistletoe, edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni P. L. Kelner

If you've still got some funds for writing business, you can be in the Houston metro area on October 16th, and you haven't already registered, I strongly recommend the Lone Star Conference sponsored by the Northwest Houston Chapter of the Romance Writers of America.  With three agents taking pitch appointments and Randy Ingermusson, creator of the Snowflake Methodology, as Saturday's speaker, there's education and networking galore.

Check out the NWHRWA Conference page for more information on this fabulous opportunity!

How Many Times Must It Happen

Currently reading - Wolfsbane and Mistletoe, edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni P. L. Kelner

A week ago, DH stomped down the stairs and into the kitchen where I was working on edits.  He bluntly stated that GK was never going to return to Cy-Fair.  His actual words were a lot more colorful than even my R-rated diatribes.  And I was shocked by the level of anger until he showed me the news article.

What set off DH was the suicide of Asher Brown, a thirteen-year-old CHILD.  A CHILD who blew out his brains because of the constant torment he suffered at the hands of bullies at Hamilton Middle School.  Hamilton is part of the Cypress-Fairbanks Independent School District, commonly referred to as Cy-Fair in the Houston Metro area.

We pulled GK out of Lee Elementary a year and a half ago because of similar problems.  The administration did little or nothing to stop the bullying, with the sole exception being Mr. Kenneth Henry.  One bus driver even tried to call the police to have GK arrested for DEFENDING HIMSELF on the bus.  Her reasoning--she was afraid of GK.

She was afraid of an eight-year-old, but not of the eleven-year-old beating my son?

And this is after a Cy-Fair counselor accused me of child abuse.  So I know the bullying tactics are used by certain administration personnel as well as by the students.

And now the same back-talking double-speak is being aimed at a family devestated by the loss of THEIR CHILD.

My heart goes out to Asher Brown's family.  They will have to live through the pain of losing their son for the rest of their lives.

I have to live with the weird guilt that it could have just as easily been my son.

They're Just Babies. . .

By now, most of you have heard about the tragic, senseless death of Rutgers' student, Tyler Clementi.  The following was written by C. B. Potts and is reprinted with her permission.

***

And so, it is said to me, you can't really bully someone to death. You can certainly make them miserable, but that choice, that ultimate final choice to end it all, to leap from the bridge, to borrow Daddy's gun, that's out of your hands. That's beyond your power, beyond your responsibility, beyond anything you could conceivably be held accountable for. The blame in suicide lays always upon the person who kills themselves, for they always have another choice.

A fatal reclamation of`personal power, as it were.

I read all these stories of freshly dead children and I say bullshit on that.

Around here, there are what are called (by me, at least) coy dogs. A mix of coyote and good dogs gone bad, feral creatures, they live on the fringes of society, not wholly wild, not nearly tame. No one cares for them. They are self-sufficient, or they die.

Coy dogs are generally small and scraggly. They stand perhaps two feet tall at the shoulder - a few bigger, some very few smaller. They're perpetually thin. On their own, they'll get by. There's garbage, there's house cats, there are slow bunnies and roadkill and dinner snatched secondhand from pampered pet's dishes.

When they work together, though, they can feast. A pack of coy dogs will go after larger prey - goats, sheep, llamas, calves, ponies, deer. It's here, in the hunt, that the coy dogs are at their most primal. You don't see even vague vestiges of the creatures that would once happily follow people around, begging for scraps. Here, it's speed and pursuit -- chasing, chasing, chasing. And coy dogs bark when they hunt -- not like wolves, who mostly keep silent. Coy dogs keep up a constant cacophony of death, announcing imminent demise with every stride. One coy dog will keep in close pursuit, the others hanging back and resting, preserving their strength until it's their turn to take point, to present some fresh new horror, to add another element of terror to the chase. They all take a turn.

They don't actually bite the prey all that much. A nip at the heels, a few ambitious leaps to worry shoulders, haunches, beefy necks. They don't have to. Once the blood starts running, all they have to do is keep the prey moving, moving, moving, until exhaustion and fear do their magic. It doesn't take long. The point will come where the prey doesn't have the strength to fight anymore. The hooves that should kick away, flinty hooves that can crush a skull, if the strength is there, do not have the strength. It's over, the coy dogs have won, and the end of the game is as much surrender as capture -- even fighting to the last, the prey's been run too hard, too long, to win.

That is what bullying is. Pure and simple, what we're seeing is humanity taking on that coy dog aspect. No one person has to do that much -- what's a comment? what's a shove? what's possessions trashed, families threatened, rumors started, video shared? It is the aggregate effect that kills, the preponderance of hate, delivered daily, hourly, inescapably. Animalistic behavior, the basics of human decency abandoned for the thrill of the chase, the toxic exhilaration of pursuit -- and above all, the embrace of the group, the knowledge that you have a place in the pack. You don't have to do so much, really. Take a turn in point position, if you've the stomach for it, but that's not even truly necessary. All you have to do is hiss little comments. Or laugh. Or look away and do nothing.

And at the end of it all, is there blood on your hands? You can look in the mirror, examine your muzzle, look for the flint-scented evidence that yours was the hate that mattered the most. Will you see it? I guess it depends on the light you choose to stand under.

But deer don't run themselves to death.

Funny thing, that.

Today's Venn Diagram Is Brought to You by the Letter S

This Venn diagram is dedicated to mentor, friend and Jersey gal, Colleen Thompson.


see more Funny Graphs

Pulp Muppets

OMG!  Kermit and Fozzie as Vincent and Julius.  'Nuff said.

A Private Little War

Currently reading - Wolfsbane and Mistletoe, edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni P. L. Kelner

Why does there have to be a battle between self-publishing and traditional publishing?  I see flame wars on several different sites.  Editors are out to get the writers.  Self-pub'd writers don't bother to use spell-check.  No advances being given by certain houses and lower percentages on sales.  Stack of books paid for with the money saved for the kids' college tuition moldering in the garage.

Does any of this matter?

Not really.  Not in the long run.  With all due respect to Bob Dylan, times they are a'changing, folks.  No one knows what the future will bring.

Except maybe Gene Roddenberry.

Today, I've got a communicator (cell phone), a med scanner (blood sugar monitor), and access to Memory Alpha (the Internet).  All things that Gene and his staff dreamed up nearly forty-five years ago.  Things no one back in the Sixties believed would ever exist.

But even Gene believed in the power of story.  Whether a troop specialized in classical Shakespeare or a certain captain pretended to be noir P.I. Dixon Hill, people will still need their stories.

What form will these stories take?  Now that's the interesting question, isn't it?