Believe In Yourself

This is for any writer who reads my blog.

Believe in yourself!

You will get a ton of criticism in your life. It's inevitable. Why? Because it's human nature. Maybe they want to make themselves feel better. Maybe it's because they want to "help" you. Maybe your art simple wasn't their taste. Regardless, the so-called feedback generally has nothing to do with you. Worse, it hurts (especially when it comes from someone you hold in high esteem and you want to impress them). And in the end, it all sucks.

If you want to succeed in life, you need to believe in your own talents and dedication to achieve your goals. You will be told by your critics that they are only looking out for your best interests. Heck, they often believe their words. But as the proverb says, the road to hell is paved by good intentions.

The best method o deal with criticism is to set aside your emotions and consider where the comment is coming from. Is there any truth to what the critic is saying? Is it something that needs to be improved in your art? Or is itsimply that your art isn't to your critic's taste?

For example, I've learned not to show my romance books to my SFF friends and vice versa. Very rarely do these fandoms cross genres. And that's okay. But these opinons will be colored by the persons' preferred genres.

If the criticism is more specific, like X section seems a little slow, or the heroine said this in Chapter 2 but does the exact opposition in Chapter 21 fo no apparent reason, then you have some to work on. Assuming you agree with the critic.

Then, there's times where someone tells you your story sucks. There's no specific reason why. You simply need to brush that kind of crap aside. It's not helpdful to you, and it says more about the person saying those kinds of thing.

Some writers think if they license one book to trad publishing, their career is made. This is not necessarily true. Yeah, your agent will tell you your book is the greatest thing they's ever read. Yeah, it makes you feel good, but it's not any different than the person who says your writing sucks. Something else is going on that has nothing to do with your writing. Maybe your book is exactly what a publisher said they were looking for. Maybe there's a hole in the publisher's schedule they need to fill.

No matter what anyone else thinks, the only person who really believes in your talent is you. No matter what path you take, make sure it's the path you want, not what someone else who claims to be "helping" you wants

So l said above, believe in yourself. Because no one else will care about your book as much as you do.

Because One Person Hates Your Work...

...it doesn't mean it's the end of your career.

Bob Mayer posted a story about having belief in yourself. One person's opinion doesn't matter. Five, one hundred, one thousand. They really don't fucking matter.

I know some writers who hang onto their rejections for years or decades. But is it healthy?

For some folks, it lights a fire in their heart or their asses to prove to those naysayers wrong.

In my case, I really broke free by shredding every single paper rejection from editors and agents and every smarmy comment from RWA contests I'd received over the years. Putting those bags of shredded bits was a huge weight off my shoulders.

But it's that spark inside of you that will keep you going. Will keep you leaning. Will keep you growing as an artist.

Ask yourself if you're happy with your progress. Because only your opinion really matters in the long run.

Writers and the Dunning-Kruger Effect - Part 1

Mars isn't in retrograde, nor is it the full moon, so maybe this is just one of those incredibly bizarre weeks.

Why do I say this?

- Alter Ego was berated (again) for writing about married couples who have interesting and fun sex lives. According to this person, married people only have sex when (1) procreating or (2) the wife is satisfying her marital duties. (Um, sorry, sweetie, but there ARE married couples who love having sex with each other. I have too many readers who tell me their personal shit to think otherwise.)

- The Passive Voice posted a screed from a writer that essentially non-disabled people shouldn't write disabled characters because they aren't doing it right. (Damn, I guess I need to stop writing A Modicum of Truth right now! I can't see in the infrared range and I'm not missing a foot so I can't possible know what those conditions are like!)

- One of my books had a review where the reviewer claimed a certain type of firearm doesn't exist (it does) and another type of firearm can't hurt a person (it can, especially in point-blank proximity).

You'd think I'd get used to other people's peccadillos or lack of knowledge. Around a decade ago, one writing judge counted points off my entry, stating there was no such thing as constables in the U.S. (Um, I've received tickets by constables in the Justice Precinct in Texas to which they were duly appointed. I'm pretty the men and their guns were not figments of my imagination.)

Why do people assume their knowledge of a particular subject is superior to the writer's? Or the writer didn't do the appropriate research?

It all goes back to a bank robber.

In 1995, a bunch of Cornell scientists read about a guy named McArthur Wheel. Wheel had learned that lemon juice had been used by spies as invisible ink. He figured if he covered his face in lemon juice, then the security cameras wouldn't pick up his face, and he couldn't be blamed for the bank robberies.

Hell, Wheel even tested his theory by taking a selfie with Polaroid. (Either the film or the camera was defective because Wheel thought his idea had worked.)

Needless to say, the Pittsburgh police asked the local TV stations to run the very clear picture of the bank robber from the security cameras on the eleven o'clock news. By midnight, a tip had been called in and Wheel, to his utter amazement, was arrested.

Wheel's case triggered a series of studies at Cornell University, which resulted in the identification of a condition that is now called the Dunning-Kruger effect. However, this "effect" has been known for millennia. In fact, William Shakespeare said it best in As You Like It:

The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.

So if you did your research, then you did your job as a writer. You just need to keep reminding yourself not to respond to criticisms that you know are invalid. Like the mantra, I've been repeating all week:

Don't respond to reviews! Don't respond to reviews!

For additional incentive, repeat the phrase to yourself in the same railroad car rhythm as Dr. Sheldon Cooper's "You forgot your flashdrive."

Why Other Writers Might Not Be Your Best First-Reader

Writers need a great deal of ego to withstand the constant beating they receive in the writing profession. From editors, publishers, and/or agents before the writer's story is published. From critics and readers after the writer's story is published.

So writers rely on folks just like them, in the trenches of publishing, for feedback. However there are pitfalls to consider.

1) How widely read is the person?

I've run into so many would-be writers that DO NOT READ. Anything. Not novels, not newspapers, not even church pamphlets. If this person has no idea what kind of standards by which to judge your work, how can they? What criteria will they use? Have they even read a book in your genre?

My mistake: Years ago, a writer published in romance offered to read one of my novels. I told her it was urban fantasy, and she said she'd still read it. A few days later, she returned the manuscript and said, "This isn't romance. It's urban fantasy." I shook my head, found someone who liked to read urban fantasy, and went on my merry way.

2) How far along is the writer in their career?

Some folks make that first sale, and BAM! They think they're an expert in what sells--to agents, to readers, to editors. Uh, no. They know what sold to that editor or that reader at that particular time.

My mistake: I sold a short story in a particularly niche subgenre to a small press ages ago. Since the editor loved it, I wrote another almost exactly like the first story and submitted it. The editor, who had several decades of experience, wrote back and asked me to write something different because he wanted to see me grow as a writer. Ouch! Sure he hurt my fee-fees, but he was absolutely right.

3) How wrapped up is the person in being right?

Then there are the writers that have the overabundance of ego. They like being the go-to person. They like telling other writers what to write and how to write it, and if you deviate from their "rules", you are not only wrong, but you will never be published.

My lesson: Oh, the rules I've heard over the years! "Zombies don't sell." "Married people do not have sex in erotica." "Women cannot be the dominant in a relationship." UGH! I sell a lot more volume of the books that break the rules. So keep deviating from the "rules"!


Notice at no point did I say anything about education. Why? Because I have relatives who didn't graduate high school who read more than the relatives that are college professors. Today's MFA programs are, unfortunately, more geared for producing English teachers than they are writers.

Which is totally fine if you want to be a teacher.

But when it comes to them being a first reader, they can often fall in the #3 trap. Find someone who enjoys the genre of your current work and is well-versed enough to give you solid feedback. They don't have to be a writer, just someone enthusiastic about the types of stories you want to tell.

Good luck!

Videos I've Been Watching Lately

Vi Hart has an interesting take on commenters, commenting and reactions to both by the creator of the thing commented on.

I admit my defensive reactions to negative comments are predicated on the incessant put-downs I suffered as a child, both at home and at school. It's taken me a lot of personal work to get to the point where such things don't cripple me, and I'm not saying I'm 100% there yet.

But if you also want to crumple in the face of the one one-star review out of 100 five-star reviews, give a listen to Vi.

Diva Critique Partners

Finding a great critique partner is like sending the Curiosity Rover to Mars, except it's a lot more than "seven minutes of sheer terror." Finding a bad critique partner is like shooting fish in a barrel, except a lot messier.

And a good critique partner will point out all those cliches you just wrote, and she will gently suggest that you rewrite the passage.

So here's five tips on what not to do so your critique partners don't call you a diva behind your back:

1) A little politeness goes a long way.

Constructive criticism can be delivered in a way that doesn't leave the writer in tears. Instead of saying, "My five-year-old could have written a better paragraph," try "I think your hero needs to show some emotional reaction here."

2) You don't know everything.

Make sure you know what you're talking about when you're offering criticism. "A PI, a lawyer and a cop walked into an RWA meeting" sounds like the start of a bad joke, but the three of us shared all kinds of stories of bad advice we've gotten from other writers. Just because you're an avid fan of Magnum, P.I., CSI or Law & Order does not make you an expert. If you think something feels wrong in the manuscript, mention it, but refer back #1 before you tell a twenty-year HPD homicide detective he doesn't know his job.

3) Leave your personal bias at home.

We all have them, that little thing that hits our squick button. I recently had a long conversation with a friend about the prevelence of the Cinderella/rape fantasy stories since 50 Shades of Gray came out. Needless to say, the subject does not turn me on in the slightest. Sure enough, another friend asks me to look at her manuscript which features...wait for it....a Cinderella/rape fantasy.

If you can be objective about a subject that turns your stomach, great! But if you can't objectively look at your critique partner's work, you need to tell him. Again, refer to back to #1.

4) Don't rewrite your critique partner's story.

I admit this was my BIG problem under the guise of "I'm just making a suggestion." Actually, it's down-right insulting and insinuates that your partner can't write. I've had critique partners go as far to give me whole different plots along with sample dialogue. Mention the problem you see, but let your partner find his own solution.

5) Acknowledge when the partnership is not working.

Sometimes, despite everyone's good intentions, the relationship just doesn't work. That when you take a step back and have an honest conversation. As I've mentioned before, my friend Nancy and I realized our styles and genres were too different to really be able to help each other. She writes very sweet YA, and I write R-rated UF. But honest acknowledgement kept our friendship intact.

I'm not saying gentle honesty will always work. Some folks get their fee-fees hurt if you look at them sideways. Those are the relationships that you don't walk away from, you run!

* * *
Have a brutally honest conversation about what each of you needs from a critique partner. Then be the kind of critique partner you would love to have!

The Necessity for Rhino Hides

Currently reading - Dark and Stormy Knights, edited by P.N. Elrod

Do you have what it takes to survive the publishing industry as a writer? Do you? Are you sure?

If you're easily offended by stuff like #queryfail or Slushpile Hell, you might want to rethink entering into the publishing business. 'Cause guess what? The critcism won't stop at your query letters.

Wait until the book reviewers get a hold of your magnus opum. Have you read Smart Bitches, Trashy Books or RT Bookreviews? The Smart Bitches reveiwers are notorious for their skewers. What makes you think you'll get a free pass from these gals?

What about the readers themselves? Think everyone will love you? Think again. An award-winning published friend was at her book signing in a major chain store. A woman walked up to her and said, "I hate your book. I read it four times to make sure."

Heck, there will be times when not even your family will love your work. The other night DH read the first ten chapters for my current wip. After he said the heroine was a lot like me, he then proceeded to tell me how stupid she was.

More than once.

Yes, we're still married.

For now.

Like I said, we all need rhino hide in this business. It's the only way to succeed.