Bezos, Blackmail, and Dick Pics

Why, oh why, do guys think their junk is their best feature? The body part that must be immortalized by cell phone cameras and shared with the world?

Look, we've all done stupid things in our youth. I'm just thankful most of my stupidity happened before the advent of the smart phone. But Jeff Bezos, the founder and CEO of Amazon is my age, i.e. mid-fifties.

Instead of being a stupid kid, he hit that wall we lovingly call a mid-life crisis. That point where full-grown adults, faced with their own mortality, decide to act as stupidly as a lot of teens and twenty-somethings. Yep, he allegedly sent his girlfriend a dick pic.

Ok, Bezos was stupid. But why is there always a guy who feels the need to prove he's even more stupid than the first one?

DH and GK lovingly refer to this as the Malfoy Effect, after Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter books. The inciting incident in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone is when Malfoy breaks a school rule in order to tattle on Harry, Ron, and Hermione for breaking a school rule. Malfoy is then shocked when Professor McGonagall punishes him as well as the other three.

Our Malfoy in this case is Mr. David Jay Pecker, CEO of American Media, Inc. (AMI) Yes, that IS his real name. AMI publishes the loved/hated gossip magazine The National Enquirer.

AMI already got in trouble with the U.S. Justice Department last year when it came to light that they had paid off several folks with dirt on the current president of the United States. Part of the plea deal was that company keeps their noses clean.

Well, allegedly, a representative of AMI got hold of Bezos's dick pic through his girlfriend's brother. (I wonder what that next family get-together will be like!) Instead of running an embarrassing cover story as is their wont, AMI allegedly decided to extort Bezos for political reasons.

And here's where Bezos pulled the Madonna Move.

You see, when Madonna was a starving artist on the streets of New York, she had posed for some nude photographs. A few years later, Like a Virgin was climbing the charts, and guess what popped out of the woodwork? The singer's reaction to the attempted extortion and embarrassment was "So what?"

The story quickly died, and a few years later, Madonna went on to publish her own book of nude pictures of herself entitled Sex.

So, back to the original topic, Bezos's junk. He did the smart thing by calling AMI's bluff and posting his response in an op-ed on a news site owned by a third party. He allegedly also turned the matter over to the FBI for investigation.

If the e-mails allegedly from an AMI executive are found to be fact, then not only did AMI violate the plea deal from last year, they're looking at extortion charges, which is a hell of a lot more serious than paying off porn stars and prostitutes.

Here's the thing, folks. Don't let your middle-age fears get the better of you. It doesn't matter how good that girlfriend/boyfriend half your age makes you feel. If you'd tell your kids not to do it, then you shouldn't be doing it either.

Because you never know what could happen to those pics after you send them to your significant other.

Even Hitler Hates Amazon

Many thanks to The Passive Guy for the link!

Whiny Writers Trampled in Battle between King Kong and Godzilla Is Just Business

There's a lot of hand-wringing in publishing about the current negotiations between Amazon and Hatchette. I'm not going to link to all the diatribes against Amazon by Hatchette authors and their agents. I think it's telling that Hatchette is using its suppliers in a disinformation campaign against Amazon. What's even more telling is that Amazon is keeping silent.

Why am I not linking to these essays condemning Amazon? It's sad and rather depressing that several writers I admire have become...whiny. These are the same writers who constantly state "it's only business" when someone else gets caught beneath the feet of two behemoths. But now that they are the ones being trampled, they rage and cry and wail, specifically against Amazon. If they say a word against Hatchette, their contracts will not be renewed or possibly current contracts will be cancelled, and these writers know it.

These are the same people who didn't make a peep when Barnes & Noble and Simon & Schuster were duking it out last year, and fellow authors were caught in the crossfire. Why? Because "it's just business."

So why is Amazon exempt? There's this perception among the Big 5 and their writers that Amazon is destroying their business. I'm sorry, but after music and video went digital, even my blind old eyes could see the digital train heading for books. I was buying e-books years before Amazon debuted their Kindle. So the publishing companies had some warning and chose to ignore it.

Writers had the same warning and chose to ignore it as well. Unfortunately, as Jeff Bezos said, complaining is not a strategy.

What these people are not getting through their heads is Amazon doesn't give a shit about them. Hell, let's be totally honest. Amazon doesn't give a shit about me either. Neither does Apple. Or Kobo. Or even Barnes & Noble. I simply provide them a way to make money.

And truth be told Hatchette doesn't give a shit about these loyal authors either. Hatchette US is not a poor, little anything. It's part of a French conglomerate that's currently the world's third largest book publisher. If Hatchette cared, they would guarantee that writers would not lose their contracts because of poor numbers during this brouhaha.

Funny. Simon & Schuster didn't make any guarantees either last year and some writers were dropped by them once the dust settled because of their shitty numbers. Had the writers done anything to deserve this? No, it's just business.

I have no illusions as an indie writer. I'm at the mercy of the retailers. Nothing proved that so well than the Kernel Pornocalypse last October.

But I adjusted. I changed covers and descriptions and interior crap to get my books back online. And I also started investigating some other e-tailers so I'm not dependent on only one or two sources of income.

I understand the Hatchette writers' fear, anger and frustration, but I hope the Hatchette writers get a clue that they are being used. They really need to be looking at how to cover their own asses. Devise contingency plans. Anything productive because whining sure as hell isn't a solution.

Because after all, it's just business.

Surviving the 2013 Pornocalypse

While the 2013 Pornocalypse came to a head in October with a smear piece by The Kernel, the actual event has roots back to the beginning of the year.

In the first quarter, erotica writers noticed weird events like they were no longer showing up in the Top 100 on various retailers despite selling in record amounts. (And yes, indies do compare sales numbers with each other.) Several authors compared rankings/sales and discovered on Barnes & Noble, no erotica author was ranked higher the #126. It was too much of a coincidence.

At the same time, erotica no longer appeared in the Amazon search function if you searched from the main menu, even if you knew the author and title. Indies discovered their books were being slapped with the super-secret ADULT label. The problem was none of the authors knew what the criteria was.

Through experimentation, and a few assertive conversations with Amazon, Selena Kitt mapped out some of the issues and developed survival tips.

Things got a little better over the summer, then the Kernel attempted to take down Amazon with their smear piece. At which point, Amazon, Kobo and a few other retailers overreacted. The sad part is the fake alarm didn't really hurt the retailers, but it did fuck over a few thousand indie writers, most of which didn't publish erotica to begin with!

I talked about my personal issues in November. It didn't get any better in December. In fact at one point, I was banned from Amazon for six hours. Why? I asked very politely why Amazon wouldn't tell their long-time vendors what the changes in terms and conditions were because they weren't posting the info on the KDP website, but something had obviously changed.

To paraphrase the one sentence answer I received from Amazon:  We don't have to tell you shit.

(And people wonder why I don't go exclusive with Amazon.)

While retailers have the right to decide what they will and won't carry, it's the hypocrisy in their decisions aimed solely at indie writers that burns my britches. It burns Selena's too, and she goes in depth here. Unfortunately, we are not protected from corporate censorship, only government censorship. (Something a lot of Americans just don't get.)

So that means we need to play the corporate game if we want to use their retailers. Would it simply be easier for a company to have an adult filter that ADULTS can turn off if they so desire? Yes, it would, and it's exactly what Smashwords does. You know, it's pretty fucking sad when Mark Coker can outthink Jeff Bezos.

First, go read Selena's survival tips. I'll wait.

Now, here's things that have happened to me and erotica writers I know:

1) Selena's bad word list now applies to the descriptions, too. And here's the thing, THE WORDS CANNOT BE IN THERE. PERIOD. I've had two of my books banned because those particular words WERE TAKEN TOTALLY OUT OF CONTEXT.

For example, one story was about a rape survivor dealing with her boyfriends treating her like a porcelain doll. I asked politely for Amazon to reconsider, and then asked them to confirm this was the new policy. (P.S. This is the one where I got banned from the site for six hours for daring to question their policies.) I can say, "brutal sexual assault" but I can't say, "rape."

Both another writer and I used the the word, "forced", in a sentence that had nothing to do with sex. As in, "forced to leave the state to find a new job." Yet, Amazon laid down the hammer on those, too.

2) Beast erotica is the latest target of Amazon. Dinosaur porn is okay, but Bigfoot, centaurs, and satyrs aren't. Pseudo-incest? Forget it! Ironic that Flowers in the Attic is still available.

3) Covers? The policies concerning clothing and position don't make any sense whatsoever already, but things have been added to Selena's list. No partial boobs. No butt cracks. Ropes, handcuffs and whips are now verbotten. Hell, you can't even put an innocent puppy on your cover without being accused of bestiality.

The only good news to come out of this? The retailers aren't restricting actual content, just the packaging and themes.

So far.

Like I said in my November post, once we erotica writers get past the initial fallout, things will get back to normal.

Until the next Kernel writer gets rejected at a bar.

Jeff Bezos on Innovation

I smurched the link from Passive Guy because I think everyone needs to hear this message. It not only applies to the publishing industry, but the world as a whole.