Let's Talk About Sex

With all due respect to Salt-N-Pepa, I'm about to get graphic about sex, writing, and writing about sex. So if reading about various sex acts offends your fee-fee's, then you'll want to click away from this page now.

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Still here?

As most of my regulars know, I write some paranormal erotica under my name and more extreme stuff under The Alter Ego.

Two weeks ago, another erotica writer, let's call her Lady X, commented that I hold myself back in writing BDSM scenes. It took me several several days to realize what she really meant. I wasn't writing the Cinderella/rape fantasies that are super popular right now, things hitting the bestseller lists like 50 Shades of Gray.

In one way, she's right. I don't write rape fantasies because they don't turn me on. It's the reason I didn't like 50 Shades. Rape fantasy has replaced the "forced seduction" scenario that were so popular in the romance genre twenty/thirty years ago.

I do get why some women like these concepts. When you're working full-time, raising kids, performing your civic/religious duties, etc., you're tired of being totally responsible for everything. If you kick back to relax and have fun, then you feel guilty for enjoying yourself and not accomplishing more. So if the hunk of your dreams forces you to have a good time, then it's not you fault, right?

The problem is I find it disturbing that so many people equate BDSM with rape fantasy. There are some shared elements, but they are two different subjects.

Another factor with Lady X's criticism is I admit that I'm not a good enough writer to put something on paper that makes me ill. And quite frankly, I've seen too many writers I respect forced by their publishers to write something in a genre the writers don't like or are not comfortable with. Their lack of enthusiasm was obvious in their prose, and I dread to be in that position. Thankfully, as an indie writer, I don't have to write rape fantasies if I don't want to.

Please understand I'm not condemning writers or readers who are into fantasy rape scenarios. I know there are subjects I love to write that are turn-offs for other folks. For example, I'm working on a scene where my super-macho cop hero thnks he's about to be pegged by his domme. She messes with him and has another guy ass-fuck my hero. And my hero likes it! I can already visualize my editor cringing because she has an aversion male-male action.

Anyway, what my decision comes down to, I want to be respectful to those folks who practice BDSM, whether it be the lifestyle or the occasional weekend playdate. I truly believe in the SSC ("Safe, Sane, Consensual") philosophy when it comes to BDSM, with a particular emphasis on the "consensual" aspect. I make it clear my characters choose to do certain acts even if fear and/or anxiety get in their way sometimes.

By making sure my female characters are agreeing to certain sex acts like mutliple partners, they are taking control of their sexuality. And frankly, this is the positive example I'd rather leave with my readers.