You need to remember something--I was eleven when the original Star Wars debuted in theaters in May of 1977. It became the common denominator between all the kids in my grade school. At a time when adult movies were gritty and depressing or the kids' movies talked down to us, Star Wars was flat-out fun.
The start of the disappointment comes from comparing two different subdivisions under the Disney umbrella. Marvel's Kevin Feige allowed individual writers and directors incorporate different personalities in the MCU without diverging from the overarching theme and plot.
However, Kathleen Kennedy at Lucasfilm didn't seem to have that kind of a reach or control over her directors and writers. The only one of the new films meshed with the original trilogy, and that was Rogue One.
But this should have been the ultimate coda to the saga. . .
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SPOILERS
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PROS
1) J.J. Abrams probably didn't write the epilogue ending because it was perfect. Rey going to the Lars homestead to literally bury the ghosts of the past. And her answer when someone asks who she is? It's all about making your own destiny instead of living under the shadow of the past.
2) The insinuation at the end of the battle that Rey, Finn, and Poe become a thruple. I really don't give a damn about Reylo. It was never going to work, and Ben had to die for his sins just like his grandfather.
CONS
1) Holy Thoth! Where to begin? Let's start with chopping Rose Tico out of pretty much the entire movie to appease the alt-right fanboys. She should have been this trilogies' Lando Calrissian, the potential rival for Finn's affections for Rey and Poe. Nope, let's just shove her in a corner.
2) Another MacGuffin? Seriously? This time, it was a stupid Sith knife and map that made no difference to the plot.
3) Inserting Leia awkwardly into the narrative. Why not admit General Organa was dead in the beginning scrawl? I don't have a problem with her Force ghost showing up at the end, but the scenes with Carrie were awkward as fuck.
4) The prick-waving one-upmanship between The Last Jedi writer/director Rian Johnson and J.J. Abrams. Part of this goes back to Kathleen Kennedy having no control when it comes to the Lucasfilm universe. But eighty per cent of it rests squarely on the two men trying rewrite each other's visions for the Star Wars universe instead of working together.
5) Breaking the in-unverse rules. Especially those regarding hyperspace travel. Again. It goes back to CON #4's dude-bro pricking-waving.
6) Can we get any more phallic than Rey running Kylo Ren through with her lightsaber? Then healing the little shit makes him turn a new leaf? That had to have been the most unearned moment in the movie.
7) Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious is back with no fucking explanation as to how he survived the fall down the shaft, much less the explosion of the second Death Star.
8) The totally icky, skeevy moment between Lando and Jannah. If she's supposed to be his daughter, why not have Lando fucking say his daughter was kidnapped? Otherwise, the optics in the #METOO makes it just EEEEWWWW!
9) Oh, and speaking of the emperor, where the hell did that fleet come from?
10) And first Rey's a nobody, but then she's the granddaughter of Palpatine? Which brings me to--if Disney's going to erase the SWEU from continuity, then fucking do something original instead of pulling storylines from the SWEU and then doing half-assed things with them!
Okay, I stopping there before I give myself an aneurysm. Once again, J.J. Abrams threw cool shit from the original trilogy at the screen in an incoherent mess. If you haven't seen it in theaters, don't bother going. Wait until it's out on Blu-Ray or there's a Star Wars weekend on TNT.
Overall, I reluctantly give Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker 5 stars out of 10.
