Parodies I Love

What? You though you were leaving August without more Deadpool?

Do I Stay on Smashwords?

D2D (aka Draft to Digital) merged with Smashwords in 2022. At the time, D2D said they'd move all publishers from the Smashwords database to theirs.

Two years later, none of my boos have been moved. Many friends, still using Smashwords, whose books were move were told that D2D could not be distributed for various reasons. But let's face facts, most of those books D2D would not accept were erotica or erotic romance.

*sigh* Sometimes, I feel like the 2013 Pornacolypse has never ended, and its spilled over to touch everything.

I'm currently making some changes to my business plan, and I'm looking at some new avenues to selling my books. There also avenues I've been using for the last thirteen-plus years that I'm analyzing the old avenues.

I know a lot of folks love buying their reads on  Smashwords, and D2D has signaled its going to keep the Smashwords storefront to sell books. But under my current plan, I'm no longer selling as much on Smashwords as I did before the merger was announced. In fact, I haven't broken $13 for the last two years for the Suzan Harden titles. The Alter Ego tomes do better, but they are also going downhill.

So, I'm looking at removing all of my books off Smashwords. And that's taking into account that Alter Ego's revenue that can pay for five pizzas a year.

However, I'm not looking to hurt any readers who rely on Smashwords to obtain their books. If anyone has an objections to this plan of action, add a comment or you can contact me privately, via the Contact Me page.

Monday Movie Mania - Twisters

While Twisters is supposed to be a stand-alone sequel to 1996's Twister, it feels like a very different movie. The emotion is deeper. It reflects the changes in society over the last twenty-eight years from the characters livestreaming their adventure on social media to the lack of a kiss between heroine and hero during the final scene. The story still relies on survivor's guilt as the motivating factor for the heroine, but emotionally, it goes in a very different direction.

*****

SPOILERS

*****

PROS
1) Like I said above, Twisters has a bit more emotional depth. Kate loses most of her team including her boyfriend when their suspected F1 unexpectedly grows into an F5. Unlike Jo in the original movie, Kate withdraws from stormchasing until her only surviving team member Javi approaches her for a one-week stint with his new company to help prove his new tornado scanning equipment works in the field.

2) All the main characters are a little younger, and a little less-seasoned than in the original. The story leans more to a coming-of-age. All the characters hit that bitter moment when they realize they can't control everything in their lives.

3) While the effects are great, they don't overshine the story like they did in the orginal movie.

4) One of the reasons we went to see the movie was Glen Powell. Our first introduction to him was as John Glenn in Hidden Figures. Here, his character Tyler is an apparent attention whore with a YouTube channel. But again, no character here is one-dimensional. Sure, he sells t-shirts, but he uses the proceeds to get water and food to survivors.

5) The augers on Tyler's truck to keep it on the ground during a tornado was a clever idea.

6) There's not a whole lot of clever one-liners. For me, that's a plus when dealing eith a weather event that can kill people.

7) The bad guy in this case is Javi's investor who buys up the land and homes ravaged by tornadoes on the cheap.

8) My favorite part--the girl made the sacrifice to save the town at the end!


CONS
1) While the augers might work on a pickup from the '60's or '70's, I doubt it would work with a modern truck. Trucks today have too much plastic, which is great for gas mileage but wouldn't keep the passengers safe from the tornado debris pounding into the truck.

2) I know the producers, etc., were trying to avoid politics by not mentioning climate change, but it's not a political issue. It's happening, like it or not. I live in the very nortwest tip of Tornado Alley. Land scoured flat by the glaciers from the Ice Age. We had seven tornadoes touch down in our county in FEBRUARY! People need to take this shit seriously!

Overall, I give Twisters 10 out of 10 stars. In a lot of ways it's a much better movie than it's predecessors.

Parodies I Love

Here's Hillywood's second parody of Supernatural. Can you catch all of the cameos?

Why You Don't Mix Business with Politics

I know it's another contentious U.S. presidential election year. But for the love of the frickin' universe, you don't abuse your customer mailing list!

Your customers don't necessarily give a rat's ass about your political leanings. Some may lean in the polar opposite direction. However, it's not generally why they sought out your services in the first place.

On the other hand, if you do abuse you customer list, you'd better be prepared for the fallout.

So, what prompted this little rant?

The day before I caught COVID back in July, i.e. the 15th, I received a bizarre e-mail from Sticker Mule's CEO Anthony Constantino. He wanted people to back a certain presidential candidate by buying a Sticker Mule t-shirt. Here's what I received:

Hi Suzan,

Donald Trump was shot.

I don't care what you're political views are.

People are terrified to support Trump. I've been scared myself.

Americans shouldn't live in fear.

I support Trump. Many at Sticker Mule do.

Many at Sticker Mule also support Biden.

The political hate needs to stop.

Hopefully this email helps.

BTW, this week, get 1 shirt for $4 (normally $19).

I suggest buying one that shows you support Trump.

The more people realize that millions of compassionate, kind-hearted people support Trump, the sooner the hate will end.

Awesome people, all over the world, love Trump. Don't limit your friendships and diminish your happiness by indulging in political hate.

Vocalize your support. Stop the hate.

Anthony Constantino
Cofounder, Sticker Mule

P.S. Discuss this message on X.

In all fairness, I've been a customer of the company for a few years. I've bought mailers with my company logo printed on them, magnets and stickers for Kickstarter campaigns, and most recently dabbled with their temporary tattoos for the 10th Anniversary editions of the Justice series. I even tested a couple of t-shirt designs through Sticker Mule for promoting the Soccer Moms of the Apocalypse.
However, this was two days after the attempted assassination of that certain presidential candidate. Two people died that day. Hawking a t-shirt based on that terrible event was tacky to say the least.
A few customers expressed their displeasure, only to be mocked by Mr. Constantino on X (the social media site formerly known as Twitter).

He double-downed by sending another e-mail two days later.

Hi Suzan,

Crazy week! I gave $2500 bonuses to all 79 people on our support team because they received death threats. That must stop, but, on the bright side, we paid out $195,000 in bonuses.

If people expressing hate towards us want to feel good about something, they can take credit for helping our support team earn sizable bonuses.

Also, we changed the deal to 50 stickers for $9 thru Friday.

I hope my message supporting Donald Trump and encouraging respect for all people becomes a learning moment for everyone.

As much backlash as we received, it’s good for society that people learn that lots of people with BIG HEARTS support Trump.

I want maximum happiness for everyone!

Anthony
Cofounder, Sticker Mule

P.S. In other news, we made a commercial where everyone is naked.

Tying a sale to an attempted assassination once was tacky. I have no words for the second try.

*facepalm*

So what did Anthony do next? He started doxxing customers on X who objected to his emails and his tweets. Not that X's owner would stop him.

Forbes had an interesting take on the subject.

Then came the third e-mail on the same subject on August 14th:

Hi Suzan,

I'm sure you always wanted to sell your own hot sauce. Now you can.

Introducing white label hot sauce by Sticker Mule.

It's my genius idea to make Sticker Mule explode ever since the last CEO f'd things up.

And, I'm giving away $500 to 20 people who repost on X. That's $10,000 total.

Btw, now that I'm in charge, I ordered the last CEO to be left wrapped in bubble wrap in an abandoned warehouse.

That should fix things,

Ricky Berwick
CEO, Sticker Mule

P.S. Find out what happened to our last CEO.

For the record, Ricky Berwick is a comedian/actor. And I really don't get the need to bribe people to spread your message.

Here's the thing. Customers buy your products because those products make your customers feel good in some way. Customers sign up for your e-mails because they want to know about your products. And this is the reason I have two different websites.

Then there's not understanding who your customers are. Most of Sticker Mule's customers are small business owners like me. A lot of them are artists. Artists tend to lean left. So why did Anthony think his blast to his customers was okay?

Was the assassination attempt horrible? Yes, two people died, three others were injured. But I wouldn't send an email to my readers and use this terrible incident or any other to sell my books. My readers would kick me to the curb and rightly so.

For example, I mostly talk about my new books, Kickstarters, swag, etc. on the Suzan Harden website because that's mainly for my readers/customers. Wild, Wicked & Wacky is for my personal likes/dislikes and thoughts on the publishing business. Only a few personal friends follow both blogs.

I'm not saying Anthony Constantino doesn't have a right to his opinions. And he has a First Amendment right to express those opinions. Unfortunately, most people don't understand the right to express your opinions doesn't mean people have to agree with them. Or even listen to them.

So my bit of advice (if you chose to listen to my opinion), don't inflict personal stuff on your customers, like who to vote for. That doesn't build good business relationships.

Monday Movie Mania - Deadpool & Wolverine

This is the movie I've been waiting for since the fiasco that was Wolverine Origins (2009). But I'm not going to gripe about that one.

However, I will gripe that fucking COVID-19 made me miss the first Deadpool film premiere in my life.

I never thought this movie would happen after Hugh Jackman announced his retirement from playing Wolverine after Logan (2017) and after Disney cancelled 20th Century Fox's Deadpool 3 when Disney bought the Fox subsidiary. But I'm glad Hugh changed his mind. Deadpool & Wolverine has already made over $1 billion, which goes to show this is the movie all the fanbois and fangurls have been waiting for.


*****


SPOILERS

(Seriously, kids, I'm gonna spoil the shit of out this movie! )


*****


PROS
1) The whole damn movie is one big pro! I was ecstatic it was even funnier that the first two Deadpool flicks. The hate/homoerotic relationship between our heroes was utterly perfect and delectable.

2) Bringing back Dafne Keen (Laura/X3) as Logan's Jiminy Cricket made me swoon.

3) They also brought back several actors/characters from pre-MCU Marvel movies, including Jennifer Garner/Elektra, Chris Evans/The Human Torch, and Wesley Snipes/Blade.

4) Channning Tatum FINALLY had a chance to don Gambit's duds, was armed with the X-man's cards and staff, and spoke in a proper Cajun accent, though it was deliberately super thick for joke material.

5) My favorite cameo was the Cavillrine! (Seriously, Marvel. You need to hire Henry Cavill. Hugh Jackman doesn't need to be taking steroids when he's 90 to play Wolverine,)


CONS
1) My only complaint is I wanted to see Morena Baccarin's Vanessa Carlysle become her alter ego Copycat. I fear they won't bring her back for any more X-men/Deadpool flicks.


Overall, Deadpool & Wolverine deserves a score of 1 Billion stars out of 10.

Parodies I Love

I wanted to post something a little different since August is nearly over. I found this little gem one night in this insane week when I really needed a good laugh.

A Quiet Blog

Yeah, I know I haven't posted for a week. I forgot to post music last Saturday because DH and I could FINALLY go see Deadpool and Wolverine.

Readers: But, Suzan, why didn't you blog about Deadpool? You love Deadpool. You won't shut up about Deadpool! Where's our Monday Movie Mania?!

Yeah, I know. However, no sooner had I exited the master bedroom on Monday morning, I was accosted. My phone. My computer. My husband.

I expected the dogs. Honestly, I rather have my face licked than deal with all the crap I've had to do over the last three days. It didn't help I had to stay awake until four a.m. two nights in order to talk with one of my cover artists. Unfortunately, she lives in Bulgaria. She's working on a special project for me, so the discussions were necessary.

The craziness spilled into Tuesday and Wednesday. Tomorrow, I'll hit a new coffee shop to hide, er, write for a while. It's the only way to get new words in.

Don't worry. I don't plan to stop blogging. I've got a list of topics. Including two new Monday Movie Manias. Yes, we went to see Twisters this week, too. It was DH's sweet way of apologizing for scheduling me to announce at a couple of high school before I had a chance grab any caffeine.

That was my only rule for my staff when I practiced law--don't accost me until I've had my first cup of tea.

Unless there's a judge on the phone.

A Tough Day

I've reached the age where losses happen on a regular basis. DH and I lost all four parents within a five-year span. Friends and relatives are passing, no longer from accidents, but from health issues. And that's not counting those who died during the pandemic.

DH and I met with an estate planning attorney on Wednesday. It was a tough discussion as we planned through worse case scenarios. Murphy hasn't deigned to cut us a break since we met. I sincerely doubt he will do so now.

And, as if to prove his point, I've gotten bad news from people I care about today. There's nothing I can do to change their situation. Nothing I can really do to help except to listen.

It's not death itself that I fear. It's the potential pain leading up to the final moment. I don't wish that pain on anyone. Not my worst enemy. Not even Tribblehead.

If my gods or Murphy or whoever runs this cockamamie universe will grant me one wish, please let me go fast and relatively painlessly. I'd like to go out to mow or stand up to head to dinner and keel over, where I'm gone before my body hits the ground. That's how a few of my grandparents and great-grandparents died.

And a bit of me wishes for less pain for the people I've heard from today. No pain is impossible at this point, but a little less would help these people to manage their affairs before the final moment.

I also hope everyone reading had a bit of peace, too.

A Crazy Day

Yep, it's technically Thursday, but this is my first chance to sit down to blog, much less work on one of the novels on my plate.

Darling Husband and I spent most of the day waiting for texts from Genius Kid to confirm he made through the European and Middle Eastern legs of his journey. It's hard to accept Uncle Sam owns GK's ass now, and there's nothing I can do to help if GK gets into trouble. Yes, DH and I remind ourselves and each other constantly that GK is a grown-ass man. But to us deep down, he's still the red squalling newborn who peed all over the doctors and nurses.

In the meantime, I wrote a list of questions for my attorney before I met with her this afternoon. I'm finally updating my estate plan. It needed to be done once GK turned eighteen, but now, it's imperative to get it done. Probate courts are all over the place in how they are valuating intellectual property. So I need to protect those assets by staying out of a probate court.

And, damn! I've got a lot of IP now.

With my plan of opening an online store later this year/early next year, I need to change how my business is structured. After talking with my attorney, I need to call my CPA, and review the plan for tax implications before I set everything in motion.

Since DH had a loaded schedule with his job, I had to chase down Grandpuppy's anti-itch meds. The poor thing has serious food allergies, and without his meds, he loses his hair and gets a scabby rash that he'll scratch until it bleeds.

I also finally disposed of the father-in-law's pile of meds that had been sitting in our house for two years. I love that the police department and the sheriff's office have bins for the general public.

DH needed his own prescriptions picked up. He also needed more caffeine. He's turned into more of a addict than me with his Death Wish coffee and Cherry Coke Zero.

And since I ended up at the pharmacy for Grandpuppy's meds in the same shopping plaza where my favorite salon is located, I took a chance to see if they had an opening. My head feels so much lighter now that I've had three inches of hair chopped off.

Tomorrow, I need to return some towels. JC Penney is obviously on the verge of collapsing. Even though they say they have the tan towels I want, they send me white towels every time I try to order the tan ones. *facepalm* Sears and JC Penney used to have such marvelous catalog systems. My parents relied on them for decades. But I guess all good things come to an end.

As must this day. Good night, everyone!

Catching Up On the Writing

After the lengthy recovery from COVID-19, I'm finally getting caught up on some writing, especially the latest Justice novel. Once Genius Kid leaves for his new assignment tomorrow, I hope to get even more done.

However, with the Grandpuppy here for the next year, I'll need to come up with a different daily schedule. Grandpuppy is a huge beast of a dog, and he's only three years old,which means he's got a lot of energy. The Princess Pup can be worn out by a quick jog around the exterior of the house. Grandpuppy needs a good 45-minute, fast-pace walk to begin to calm down.

Also, my back is letting me know I haven't been to yoga class in nearly a month. I need to work my own exercise into my daily schedule.

But for tonight, I'm relaxing a bit with pizza and the Olympics gymnastics events. Yeah, I already know who medaled in what event, but watching what those kids can do with their bodies still blows my mind. And the joy in their faces this year brings a lovely pitter-pat to my heart.

Lex Luthor Interviews Castiel

I've been listening to Michael Rosenbaum's (AKA Lex Luthor on Smallville) podcast Inside of You while I was down with COVID. Muchael's style is low-key, and he gets his guests to talk about the realities of being on a TV or movie set and Hollywood politics.

Even better he gets Misha Collins to talk about accidentally making a fellow plane passenger pass out in the most embarrassing way possible.