Why I Don't Read My Reviews

Seriously, I don't read them. Heck, I can't remember the last time I went on Goodreads. I grew up with a parent who had to be "realistic". No matter how good I did, it was never good enough. I could have done better. Or even worse, why did I embarrass her by doing so poorly?

You'd think I'd be over it. I even did therapy for a couple of years to get those phrases out of my head. However, no matter what a review says, I still hear that parent's voice saying those words, especially if it's critical. And it puts me in an emotional tailspin. Even if it's a good review, I hear, "Well, they're just being nice."

Unfortunately, DH gets a little too excited whenever I have a new release. He's the one refreshing the screen constantly, waiting with bated breath for that first review. And he's so excited, he HAS to tell me. No matter how many times I ask him not to.

He doesn't truly understand. And in a way, I'm glad he doesn't. The in-laws didn't lay a whole bunch of insecurity on him or undermine his accomplishments, growing up or as an adult. In a way, I'm a little jealous of him.

So, he had to report the first review on Amazon for Hero De Jure.

We ended up having a long discussion about what it does to me when he feels the need to report those reviews. To him, it was a good review. To me, not so much. And I hate the feelings a review trigger in me, good or bad. So I don't read them.

Deep down, a review shouldn't matter to me. It's a reader's view on something they consumed. They bring their own pasts and foibles and desires with them when they read a story, any story not just mine. I can't change them. Nor do I want to. Because then I'm just like my parent saying, "You're not doing it right."